by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio. Scenic design by Derek McLane. NEW YORK, NY - FUCK! I’ve had a long day and really wanted to unwind and soak in my bathtub, but it turns out my tub is the one they use for the “Splish Splash” number in Broadway’s Just in Time. You have got to be kidding me… I was so ready: bubbles brewing, seltzer poured, romantasy novel ready to become water-stained. But then I heard a faint, magnetically charming croon emerge from the pipes. I thought it might

by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley. CHICAGO - In a heartwarming twist of fate that theater critics are calling a "perfect storybook ending," Incitement Theatre Artistic Director Zachary Townshend ended a months’-long search for the perfect leading man after discovering it was him all along. “We wanted to examine every possible avenue in casting,” explained Townshend, seated by an impressive pile of headshots and resumes, with his own lying conspicuously on the top. “We held we

by Allyson Stathers. @allysonstathers. WILMORE, KY — How bold! After receiving many tasty suggestions from the audience, university improv troop Friday Night Live has officially gone with "coffee shop" for the location of a scene. ”It’s always a safe location to pretend to be at,” claimed FNL’s troop member Caden Acorn as he mimed making a strawberry matcha. “Why risk it? It’s always best to be realistic while in improv, right?” We spoke with Senior Garvin Sneed, FNL’s stude

by Conor Moroney. @conorseamusactor NEW YORK, NY – Bummer. It is with great reluctance to inform you that the cast for The Rocky Horror Show contains a mere two Academy Award nominees. “You hate to see it happen,” said Peter Styles, a source with a sinful amount of Google alerts for casting announcements. “How does one expect to succeed in this town with just two nominees? At this rate, they might as well board up Studio 54 and turn it back into a Roller Disco!” Meanwhile,

by Edward Precht. @#pertoltprecht. WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this week, it was announced that the White House plans to close the Kennedy Center for two years to undergo, quote, “renovations.” Experts speculate the move is a direct response to public outcry – and the subsequent cancellations of several high-profile artists’ shows – after the President’s self-renaming of what many see as one of America’s premier theatrical organizations. Such blatant censorship, hot on the heel

by Leah Windahl. @leah_windahl. THE AMC ON 42 nd STREET, NY – Though usually a place where dreams come true, everyone has a nice time, and nobody gets bedbugs, the atmosphere at the 42nd Street AMC was decidedly bleak last Friday, as the audience emerged from an exclusive press-screener of Warner Brother’s so-called upcoming film, Wicked: 1½, which was clearly a re-release of 1939’s The Wizard of Oz . “I thought this was going to be, like, a secret third film,” said micro

by Leah Windahl. @leah_windahl. HACKENSACK, NJ. — Representatives from the Jimmy Awards have been hastily contacting Steve Johnson, a local man who made the mistake of remarking that he had seen “ high school shows better than this” during the intermission of Ragtime last Sunday. “Well, it was 7:42 in the morning, and somebody was pounding on my front door,” said Johnson, whose moderately talented granddaughter attends George Washington High School. “I open it up, and befo

by Sarah Lasko. NEW YORK, NY. — In a shocking turn of events, it was discovered that Jeremy Jordan is currently still stuck to a concrete slab inside Lincoln Center’s Vivian Beaumont Theater in Manhattan. “We were in the middle of watching Act One of Ragtime when I first noticed,” explained long-time LincTix subscription holder, Edith Pfenway, after assuring us that she was definitely still young enough to qualify for LincTix. “I assumed from the overalls he wore that he wa

by Dylan Bivings. @dmacbivings. NEW YORK, NY. - After years of speculation, we here at The Broadway Beat have secured a breaking exclusive at Gregory’s Coffee where professional barista, Payton Greene, has broken down the most burning question to ever rack the minds of musical theatre: How do you measure year in cups of coffee? “A lot of people think the Gregorian calendar stems from Pope Gregory XIII,” said Payton, effortlessly stirring Anthony Rapp’s likeness into her latte

by James La Bella. @James.La.Bella. Original Bug photo by Lily Cummings. NEW YORK, NY - Local Manhattan resident Richard “Dick” Smarge has been leading a small but vocal campaign against the quote “deeply unimaginative” revival of Tracy Letts’ Bug currently running Broadway, claiming he can get the same or better in his own East Village walk-up. “ Bug is back at my place too. You see me braggin’ about it?” Snapped Dick, double-handin’ cigarettes and dollar slices like a p