by Keeley Bell. @omgitskee. NEW YORK, NY – Marriage Therapist Dr. Shoshana Mance has discovered the secret to a healthy marriage, and she’s sharing it in her new book Take a Bow, Not a Break: How a Big Budget Broadway Show Can Save a Marriage. “Couples are constantly chasing the high of having the same amount of attention on their relationship as they had on their wedding day," states Dr. Mance in the book’s first chapter, “The First Stage (In This Scenario, ‘Stage’ is a Pun

by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous. BERGEN COUNTY, NJ — Bergen Community College faculty member and occasional theater goer Melinda Antenucci announced to her History of American Politics class today that they’d be taking turns randomly reading from the textbook “ All Out style,” in a cheeky attempt to bring the Broadway play’s unique structure to the classroom. “When I saw the ‘Comedy About Ambition’ last week and all those celebrities sitting on stage reading from their li

by Sarah Lasko. @saraheleora. LINCOLN, NE. – In an unforeseen act of grit and bravery, the nation’s ivories have called for an end to inappropriate tickling, once and for all. “This is the start of a new day,” declares Josh Steinway, a representative for PIANO (Protecting Instruments Against Nonconsensual Overtures). “No more will we withstand getting our keys pounded at parties. The next time any of you attempt a tipsy ‘Heart and Soul,’ expect to hear from our lawyers.” Man

by Luke Maynus. @luke.maynus. The theatre world is buzzing with excitement for the Broadway debut of Duncan Macmillan's play Every Brilliant Thing , directed by Jeremy Herrin. This touching and introspective one-man show has been a fan favorite for many years, but one aspect of the show has completely confounded professional critics and general audiences alike: who is this production's seemingly unknown leading man, Daniel Radcliffe, and why does he look so familiar? The Bro

by Kinsey Jasnoch. @kinseyjasnoch. ROCHESTER, NEW YORK – Westview High School sophomore Tommy Fairbrook revealed this week that his skittish new Driver’s Ed teacher, who introduced himself rather dubiously as “Kevin… Kevin Ansen,” has been instructing his students to avoid potential mistakes by slamming on the car’s brake before they’ve even turned the key. “I’m just trying to learn the basics – you know, turn signals, driving in snow – so I can get my license this summer,”

by Brady Thomas. @cbradyt. TULSA, OK. — It’s official: woke is back on the menu! Just this afternoon, Emmett Jameson, president of the local Golden Age Players, has announced that, all next season, they’ll be performing land acknowledgments at the top of their productions of racially dated musicals. “At the Golden Age Players, we can’t have our eyes closed to the horrors of the past,” claimed Jameson, who only stages musicals that premiered before the passage of the Civil Ri

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio. SEATTLE - “Go Sportsball” proclaimed local actor Henry Huress at a friend’s Super Bowl party to much guffawing, despite the fact that he and almost all of the guests have dedicated their lives to performing highly specialized physical feats in front of an audience of passionate devotees. “Slam dunk! Lol that’s football, right?” questioned Huress, who arrived at the party following a grueling workout and physical therapy session. “The whole competi

By Harald Krichel / WikiPortraits, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=159926820 Oscar nominee Timothée Chalamet has faced backlash for his claims that “nobody cares” about opera and ballet—but if you thought he was going to apologize, think again, loser! Timmy has instead revealed five other beloved art forms he thinks are totally lame dogshit. Photography “All respect to cameras, but I can do that by looking at something and blinking hard.” Puppetr

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio. Scenic design by Derek McLane. NEW YORK, NY - FUCK! I’ve had a long day and really wanted to unwind and soak in my bathtub, but it turns out my tub is the one they use for the “Splish Splash” number in Broadway’s Just in Time. You have got to be kidding me… I was so ready: bubbles brewing, seltzer poured, romantasy novel ready to become water-stained. But then I heard a faint, magnetically charming croon emerge from the pipes. I thought it might

by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley. CHICAGO - In a heartwarming twist of fate that theater critics are calling a "perfect storybook ending," Incitement Theatre Artistic Director Zachary Townshend ended a months’-long search for the perfect leading man after discovering it was him all along. “We wanted to examine every possible avenue in casting,” explained Townshend, seated by an impressive pile of headshots and resumes, with his own lying conspicuously on the top. “We held we