by Garrett Brown. @garrettbrownproductions.
BOSTON – In what was becoming a yearly holiday tradition, gathered family gave a large collective groan when Reed Quaid went to get his “Playwright Autograph Book,” which was nothing more than a collection of cease and desist letters from the respected authors.
“We really want to be proud of Reed,” his sister Nancy sighed as she drained her wineglass. “I know his dream is to be a published playwright, but there’s a line between being inspired by something and just taking Ctrl+F to the script of Company and replacing 'Bobby' with 'Tobby.' Is that a name?”
Reed’s dad Steven cracked open a beer, and settled in for a long evening.
“As long as Reed is happy, healthy, and I don’t have to pay any legal bills, I’ll support my son,” Steven grumbled. “I tried to explain to him that if he really wants to get an autograph from Lynn Nottage, he can just try to meet her, or maybe write a good play and network with her. But if having her lawyers tell him to 'cease plagiarism' is enough for him, I guess that’s his prerogative.”
Seemingly ignorant to his family’s stress and agony, Reed Quaid returned from upstairs with a large leather bound book and began the worst show-and-tell imaginable.
“OK I don’t remember if everyone has seen my collection before, so let me start at the beginning!” Reed exclaimed with glee, unaware that the eyes of his surrounding family members were beginning to gloss over. “Let me start off with when I got to meet Paula Vogel and her lawyers. I wish she could have signed my copy of How I Learned to Drive, but I took the cease and desist letter and cut and pasted her signature in, so it’s close enough for me!”
As the evening droned on, Dan mentioned that he was taking back up smoking after 10 years just to have a reason to step outside and get away from Reed.