by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous. ANN ARBOR, Mi — Self-proclaimed best friends and Musical Theatre BFA recipients Theresa Marino and Rachel Lavigne announced via a celebratory Instagram post today that they are “soo Glinda and Elphaba-coded,” despite having never said a kind word about each other when the other is not present. “She’s the Glinda to my Elphaba,” exclaimed Marino before dropping to a whisper. “And that’s not just because she can’t belt as high as I can, I would

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio. CROTON-ON-HUDSON, NY - It’s Thanksgiving Day, and local father Mitchell Reclom just finished stating out loud that “if you think about it, the time between dinner and dessert is kinda like an intermission,” in a well-meaning attempt to connect with his BFA candidate son. “It’s like, you know, we just experienced something great, and now we’re gonna take a break, and then have more great. Just like the theatre,” said Reclom, who listened to every c

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @ benschrager.bsky.social . HOLLYWOOD, CA. – Shattering records for movie musicals and coming in at $152 million, this weekend’s box office champion is none other than the bewitchingly popular film making the rest of the competition green with envy–wait, it’s Avenue Q: For Now? What? When–when did they make a sequel? Huh. “Oh, that’s nice,” said Robert Lopez while trying not to trip on one of his three Tony awards that was

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @ benschrager.bsky.social . NEW YORK, NY. – In a move that is baffling the financial world, Sour Patch Watermelon has yet to announce a product tie-in with the upcoming Wicked: For Good premiere, opting instead to pass on an absolute fucking layup. “We are always open to collaborations that align with our products, but we just don’t see the connection here,” said Johnathan Poulter, head of marketing for Sour Patch Watermelo

by Jennifer Haining. Ashville, NC — It’s here! You’ve had your tickets to Wicked: For Good secured for weeks, and now you’re ready for the family outing of the century! But, uh oh! Mom and Dad just told you when you get home, they want to have a tough family conversation. “I don’t think he’s ready for this, Jacqueline,” your father whispers loudly to your mother as he nervously clings to the customized Swarovski Galinda wand which he insists he bought by accident. “Combin

by Edward Precht. @pertoltprecht. UPPER WEST SIDE, NY – Well, that was a waste of time. I just got out of an early screening of Wicked: For Good , and while I thought the movie was phenomenal, I couldn’t fully concentrate. I was too disappointed that Big Movie Screen Jonathan Bailey hardly mentioned that I’d shaved my entire body, tit to tip, just for him. And I worked hard for it, too. Shoes to shaft, there wasn’t even a hint of hair. Itchy as hell, sure, but I thought it wo

by Mike Abrams. @TheWrongCatDied. NEW YORK, NY - Shit! I got so wrapped up scrolling social media, opening noisy candy wrappers, and hiding my sleeping bag from the AMC Times Square cleaning staff that I just realized I need to use the bathroom and want to know if I have time to go before this 12-month Wicked movie intermission ends? It’s only been five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred five hundred and ninety eight minutes since Wicked: Part One ended and it hit

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @ benschrager.bsky.social THEBES, GR - Readers of my column that I etch into literal columns on The Parthenon often accuse me of focusing too much on our leaders. They say I don’t care enough about the day-to-day issues affecting your everyday Theban goat herders, slave drivers, and erotic pottery artisans. Why focus on our king and queen, when there are much greater things plaguing our city? Most notably: The Plague. But I

by Brady Thomas. @cbradyt. NEW YORK, NY. — As more and more moviegoers get to experience the magic of Wicked: For Good , one thing seems to be exceptionally clear: Jonathan Bailey and Cynthia Erivo’s rendition of “As Long As Your Mine” will surely give millions of women false hope regarding their gay friends. “I’m so glad that we were able to watch the movie early,” exclaimed Robyn Ewing, who saw the movie with gay bestie Ross Preston. “My god, the chemistry between Jonathan

by Jennifer Haining. Munchkinland, Oz — Well great Oz! These insanulous and terrifideous animal uprisings have put a real damper on things in the Emerald City! Let’s take a little vacay over to OzMania’s “Top Three,” where today we’re analyzing some of the finest cakes this side of the Yellow Brick Road. And ladies, we do not mean confectionariums. 3. Fiyero Tigalaar: Winkieland’s hottest princeling dances into every room with a juicy little roundabout that just won’t quit!