by Luke Maynus. @luke.maynus.
COLUMBUS, Oh. - This past weekend my father (who knows very little about musical theatre) surprised me by speaking highly of the groundbreaking and inclusive new musical, How to Dance in Ohio. After further questioning however, it appeared he was actually referring to the film Footloose. Below, I have detailed the full range of ways he butchered the name of the 1984 classic starring Kevin Bacon.
HOW TO DANCE IN OHIO
An absolutely solid attempt, king. Although this one ended up hurting the most (because I was really excited to talk about How To Dance in Ohio) I’m honestly just surprised he knew the title.
FLASHDANCE
This one I can’t really blame him for. Both this and Footloose are iconic early 80’s movies about dancing that were later turned into stage musicals.
HAPPY FEET
This one is less easy to defend. I guess you could argue “feet” is in the title, but come on. This is the movie about dancing penguins (which on a rewatch is considerably scarier than you remember).
Elijah Wood admittedly gives a really endearing voiceover performance though, and my three-year old niece would argue this is the best movie in George Miller’s filmography.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
This one was pitched by my father with a lot of conviction, mostly because he was sure the reverend had a line that went, “So you think you can dance in my town, city boy?”
Although I haven’t rewatched the film before writing this article, I do believe that is revisionist history.
TOM HOLLAND’S “UMBRELLA” LIP SYNC BATTLE
WHAT? Dad, how do you even know what this is? I- I don’t even understand the connection here??? Dad, I’m not letting you watch any more Instagram Reels.
LITTLE FOOT
Once again, points for saying something with “foot” in the name, but this isn’t even the title of the movie! This is just the main character from the Land Before Time series of animated films about dinosaurs.
HOW TO DANCE IN OHIO, AGAIN
Yes, dad. I’m POSITIVE this is a different thing than what you’re thinking of.
It appears my father’s “Footloose Fever” was all in response to a recent TikTok of Kevin Bacon recreating the titular dance routine to celebrate the end of the SAG Strike.
Despite his insistence, I was eventually able to convince my father that the film was in fact titled Footloose. Following this discovery, he commented on just how talented that “Francis Bacon” guy is, so I guess I still have some work to do.