by Emily Claypoole. IG: @playdohpoole. Twitter: @thisisemilyok.
NEW YORK, NY – Local toddler Lily Masters, 3 ¼ years, announced to her mother today that she is wholly unimpressed by The Circle in the Square Theatre, claiming she is sure the circle peg does not go in the square.
“I did it in day care and,” she began between laborious breaths. “My teacher told me that that’s not right. The circle goes with the circle and the square goes with the…” Lily trailed off, wiping snot from her nose as she glared at the Winter Garden Marquee. “76 twombones, that’s a lot.”
Lily’s mother, Martha, an attorney who was bringing her revolutionary daughter to a swimming lesson, weighed in on the shocking takedown.
“Lily is so smart. She is the only one in her day care group that always remembers to wash her hands after going potty,” Martha elaborated, in that way where every parent thinks every detail about their child is interesting. “So when I told her what the name of the theater was, she took one look at it, stomped her feet because she didn’t want to use her floaties again, and then made her insightful comment about shapes.”
Thomas McFadden, a representative for The Circle in the Square expressed concern for the toddler’s statement.
“We value our community’s opinions are deeply saddened to hear that Miss Masters was unhappy with our name,” he continued, wiping a tear from below his glasses. “She is such an intelligent young woman, I mean, she can count to six for crying out loud, no wonder she dismantled a years long tradition in such few, cutting words.”
The Masters family joined us for an interview later in the week to discuss what might be next for Lily. Front and center, Lily wowed us with more thought provoking musings such as “Birds are dinosaurs” and “Chips make my teeth hurt”, after which she finally provided some credentials for her earth shattering comments about The Circle in the Square. An indignant Miss Masters held up three fingers and proclaimed, “I know shapes because I’m this many!”