Director Thrilled Performer's Emotional Breakdown Perfectly Aligns with Song's Key Change

 by Mike Abrams. @TheWrongCatDied.

AURORA, IL - During rehearsal for a regional production of Titanique, director Larry Brown was reportedly overjoyed when lead actress Rhonda Artest, upon forgetting her lines, suffered a complete emotional breakdown that coincidentally aligned perfectly with the song's climactic key change.

"It was truly a stroke of genius, though not from me," gushed Brown as he ironed a giant L onto a green hat. "I assumed everyone knew the lyrics to 'My Heart Will Go On,' but when Artest was supposed to deliver the song’s climax she just... froze. Then her eyes welled up, she started sobbing, and right on cue, the orchestra hit that glorious modulation. It was as if Celine herself had orchestrated the whole thing."

Artest, the actress in question, was less enthusiastic.

"I'm not sure what's worse," Artest explained between sobs and sips of what we believe to be a flask. "The fact that I forgot the lyrics to one of the most famous songs ever, or that Larry  seemed more excited about my misery than my performance."

The show's music director, Donald Buse, was equally taken aback.

"40 years in the industry, and I've never seen anything like it," Buse remarked as he practiced conducting using an eggplant as a baton. "The key change was supposed to be a moment of triumph, but Aretest’s wailing... it was... well, it was certainly something. I'm not sure it was good, but it was definitely something."

Artest, after having a few more rehearsals practicing the breakdown, has turned the corner on this version of method acting, noting that it’s basically the same thing she does in a rented studio at Ripley Grier after every audition.