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OPINION: That’s Fine, But I’d Like to Toast the Ladies Who Feast On the Bones of This Morning's Kill

by Blaise Wopperer. @BlaiseWopperer.

Dear You Know Who You Are,

Say what you will about your ladies who lunch, but I find that your toast left quite the bit unsaid re: the ladies who hysterically gorge themselves on the mortal remains of some human game, only to rinse it down with a thick, hellish bouillon.

Allow me to show you where your arguments have been found wanting.

In bars 26-30, when you saluted the ladies who 'rush to their classes in optical art, (wishing it would pass),' I would argue that you thought rather little of also mentioning the ladies who rush to the communal whetstone in the twilight hours to sharpen their spearheads for the fast-approaching lunar hunt – these ladies who, in just one week after birth, are thrown under the rigorous tutelage of an expert axe-wielder who molds them into feral mercenaries of the night.

And similarly, in bars 42-46, when you doffed your cap to the ladies who 'clutch their copy of Time, (just to keep in touch),' you didn’t trouble yourself as much as an iota to also mention the ladies who clutch their talismans to their restless bosoms so as to ward off pure and moral spirits that wish to smother their dark euphoria.

And lastly, when you went into raptures about the ladies ‘too busy to know that they’re fools,’ in bars 54-58, I must say that I didn’t hear a mere syllable of concern for the ladies too busy banqueting on the vital organs of some slain messenger boy, before passing around the soapstone chalice of some libation whose recipe no one dare speak of – these ladies who then cast the leftover bones to their young progeny to efficiently polish off.

That said, I see it only fit that you get off your holier-than-thou soap box and you apologize to these ladies.

That’s right, do your penance. Vow to never forsake these ladies again. God, someone ought to have taken the microphone out of your hand a lot sooner and laid bare the error of your ways. I guess it was up to me again – as per goddamn usual.

Alright, well that’s all I pretty much have for you. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s take it one more time from the top.


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