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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

So Supportive! These Family Members Always Asks “How Long Is It?” When Invited to Your Show

by Paige Oberholtzer. @vegetablebugz.

SCOTTSDALE, AZ. - Community College student Emily Hollister announced to her family today that she will be performing a production of Romeo and Juliet as the minor character of Peter, one of the Capulet’s servants. After inviting them to the show, this supportive clane plied with their classic congratulatory question: "how long is it?"

“Shake who? What?” asked Emily’s Grandma Marjie as she polished off a six-pack of lukewarm tapioca pudding. “How long am I gonna have to sit through that? There better be an intermission! And you’re going to be who? Is that a main character? What am I supposed to tell Carol at Mahjong? That my granddaughter is a servant? Oy!”

Emily, a proud servant, has already bought her whole family front-row tickets to opening night.

“I’m not discouraged by Grandma’s reaction,” noted Hollister as she struggled into her costume: a pair of puke-colored tights and small puffy pantaloons. “My character is so much more than an illiterate servant with 13 lines. I am an artist. I do it for the art! Plus, I’ve seen Grandma smash through a 10-hour Murder She Wrote marathon. She’ll be fine.”

Edward Baur, a veteran actor and the titular Romeo in the school’s production, was sickened by the thought of “family” attending his show.

“My parents deliberately create scheduling conflicts to avoid seeing my productions. A dentist appointment at 8:00pm? Nice,” stated Baur, whose hobbies include staring dead-eyed at his reflection in a mirror. “And if they do ever come, it’s only when it’s convenient. They might swing by on their way to the airport or gym. If the theater has good wifi, they’ll do their MasterClasses there. If the show lands on a federal holiday, they’ll consider.”

Regardless of her grandmother’s not-so-thinly veiled complaints, Emily is excited to be a part of this extended, six-and-a-half-hour production.


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