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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

You Won’t Believe What Song the Pedicab Guy is Playing Outside of HELL'S KITCHEN

by Steven Verdile. @SillyVerdile.


NEW YORK, NY - As theatergoers exited Alicia Keys jukebox musical Hell’s Kitchen, they were shocked by the perfectly relevant tune that was blaring from those fun bicycle wagon people, more formally known as “pedicabs.” The nearby residents of the real Hell’s Kitchen, however, felt much less enthused.


“Normally these streets can make me feel brand new, and put me in a great state of mind,” said Hell’s Kitchen mobster Michael Spiloney in a suspiciously melodic tone. “But when I have to fight my way through a squabble of boombox speakers blasting the same song on every street, it feels more like some sort of concrete jungle cacophony. And there isn't nothin’ you can’t do about it.”


He couldn’t remember it ever being this troubling. 


“When I was a young kiddo, the big lights would inspire me, but when you pair those big lights with audio so compressed it sounds like a child’s electric toothbrush speaker… I’ll tell ya it’s just a migraine waiting to happen.”


The show’s lead marketer, Rudy Boxer, however couldn’t disagree more. “We love the pedicabs! I swear they can make Alicia Keys more famous than Alicia can.” 


While there are plenty of other pedicab playlist staples, ranging from Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” to Taylor Swift’s “Welcome to New York” (and maybe even a “Despacito” if the mood is right), Alicia Keys seems to have a secure first-place position, much to the demise of everyone who ever came through Port Authority and fought their way through than those weird spiraling selfie robots.


Just as the furious arson enthusiast Mr. Spiloney put his lighter up in the air, a delighted bunch of vacationers seemed to calm the chaos with their joyful smiles. “We loved our pedicab ride! It was the best 7 minutes of our night, and $84 well spent.”


At the end of the day, even we The Broadway Beat must admit it’s a bop, and more importantly, a beautiful love/hate anthem for a city we love/hate.


Let’s hear it for New York.

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