BREAKING: Show Has a Dog In It!
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
ALLENTOWN, Pa. - Oh hell yeah! The Allentown Community Players production of Spring Awakening has a friggin’ dog in it. This rules!
“There wasn’t really a need for a dog, but he kept chewing on the curtains if I left him home for too long,” says the show’s director, Marjorie Helmett, who’s now responsible for the theater’s first sold-out run in 12 years. “I figured it would be fun for the cast, but had no idea the reaction would be like this. People were crying, and honestly, the cast isn’t that good, so it must be because of the dog.”
The pooch in question - who was named Peach but now goes by his stage name, Matthew Bowowderick - received a number of standing ovations from the elated crowd. We caught up with one audience member who was seen throwing a bouquet of roses during the canine’s final bow.
“A dog! Fuck yeah,” said longtime theatre fan Charlie Burt, who’s going to be super disappointed next time he sees a show. “I’ve seen a lot of musicals in my time, and every time there’s a dog and you get to say ‘awww’ real loud along with everyone else, it truly elevates the experience. Like, what’s a dog doing up there?! He’s not supposed to be up there doin’ that!”
Still, some cast members were perturbed by the fuzzy thespian’s newfound spotlight.
“He has no formal training outside of bathroom stuff,” noted actor Janet Goppen, who failed to realize how insane she sounds. “Dogs in a show can be fun, but I don’t know why he needed an entire page for his playbill bio. I don’t care that his favorite toy is a stuffed duck. So is mine.”
At press time, Matthew Bowowderick’s performance was gaining national attention, with people traveling across the country to say “oh! A dog!” in person during his tour de force performances. Rumors began to swirl this morning, however, that he would not be able to go on for tonight’s performance due to side effects from his hookworm medication. He will be replaced, however, by his understudy - a pillow with four wooden legs hot glued on it so nobody’s marks get messed up.