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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

REVIEW: We Caught an Early Preview of the “Tootsie” National Tour (Guest Column by J.K. Rowling)

by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous.

Cheerio! J.K. Rowling here! Author of beloved children’s books, the woman behind author pseudonym Robert Galbraith, and trailblazing expert on BALLS and VAGINAS and SOCIETY.

The Boy Who Lived? More like the Boy Who LOVED this new musical - except I’m NOT a boy, I’m a girl, and if you menstruate, SO ARE YOU. I recently caught an early preview of the National tour of Tootsie, and like a feather after Wingardium Leviosa, I am floating high in the air!

I simply melted - like clotted cream on a warm scone - over the singing, the dancing, and best of all, the harmful tropes rooted in transmisogyny disguised as silly jokes! Perhaps most exciting was the clarity of who had which genitals. I simply cannot enjoy a night at the theatre without knowing who has a hoo-hoo, and who has a ha-ha - both of which are medical terms.

You have to know what everyone’s got in their trousers, gov’nuh. What if someone falls in love with you based on who you are as a person, and not the Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans that you’re packin’? And by “Every-Flavour,” I mean two. Strictly two.

In many ways, I relate to the main character of Michael, because I also feed into the idea that trans-ness can be cruelly simplified as deception and lies. I, for one, am thrilled for this musical to head to small, heartland cities, spreading this toxic idea to the youths of today… ol’ chap!

Boy, oh boy (and I do mean boy, as in people with penises ONLY!), do I also love the Tootsie merch. A “Being a woman is no job for a man,” t-shirt!? So true. Because in order to be a woman, you must bleed from your cheeky minge, which is a point I will not apologize for - quite like the cis-male dominated creative team of Tootsie.

Why listen and learn from the people who find solace in my work when I can double down and write an essay based in “research” that conveniently ignores the 41% of trans people who attempt suicide, and the 77% of trans students who endure harassment at school? A statistic that could be lowered by gender-affirming support and validation from loved ones, and even literary role models like myself, but……........ pish posh!

In conclusion, everyone - men, women, and that’s it - should go see my new favorite musical, Tootsie, in a city near you!

Please find a list of Trans organizations to donate to and support below.


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