Broadway to Lower Thermostats to 68 in Honor of Dads Not Being Made of Money

by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley.

NEW YORK, NY - In a heartfelt display of solidarity among the performance community, the league of Broadway theaters announced plans to collectively lower their thermostat settings to 68 degrees in honor of those dads who aren’t made of money around here.

“More than anything, we have to remember that theatre is a collaborative art form. The dedication of everyone in the arts is what allows us to perform world-class productions eight shows a week. It’s only right for those dads who bust their backsides at work only to come home with the heat on and the windows open,” explained Artistic Director Adrienne Norwood, speaking comfortably while dressed in several layers. “We owe it to them.”

The impact of Broadway’s sweeping dedication has been immediate, with nearly every theater reporting an overall reduction in behaving like knuckleheads who think that money grows on trees.

“By instilling in us the values of personal responsibility and avoiding waste, dads everywhere have literally defined an entire generation of theatre makers,” lauded operations manager Murray Nowaske, proudly displaying their ConEd bill showing a commendable 4.3% decrease in power consumption since last billing cycle. “And my dad would be so proud. I just have to wait until later today to call and tell him – he always turns his phone off on golf outings.”

Still, some within the artistic world argue it comes too little too late.

“While I agree that it’s a commendable gesture, I think everyone should ask themselves what took us so long to make it happen in the first place,” argued managing director Isaac Patterson, whose energy-saving efforts in The Great White Way is helping put his own son through college. “Everyone kept it at 72 Fahrenheit just like it was business as usual. If you can’t spare something for someone, you’ll spare nothing for no one. And that’s the truth, champ.”

Making good on their fatherly advice, Broadway plans to further their impact by letting ushers bid audience members goodbye post-show with a firm handshake and a crisp twenty dollar bill tucked inside.