by Kevin Burke. @ke7inburke.
NEW YORK, NY — Never missing an opportunity to be the center of attention, Alex Anderson, local actor with no known credits to his name, replied, “practice, practice, practice,” to a group of tourists genuinely asking for directions to Carnegie Hall.
“I love it when fans embrace Broadway-isms,” said Anderson, still visibly giddy with himself. “It’s part of what makes this community so strong, and I guess it must have been so obvious to them that I was a performer of some kind, although I haven’t played Carnegie Hall – not yet, anyway.”
Dianne Poole, who was traveling to New York for the first time with her husband over the weekend, was slightly less enthused with Anderson’s answer.
“We legitimately had a show to catch, and that random delayed us even further,” Poole explained, appearing to forget Anderson’s name even after he insisted on introducing himself multiple times. “We’ve never been to this city before and we don’t know our way around yet, but I guess that serves me right for asking someone who looks like they’re definitely not a performer of any kind. I just thought the average New Yorker would know, but I guess not!”
Dianne’s husband, Mark Poole, was especially disappointed with the lack of a straight-forward response from the optimistic unknown.
“We were running late to see our daughter,” he said, with a degree of genuine love and intensity that would surely score him a Tony had he been nominated this season. “Not just to meet up with her though – she was performing! First chair member of her orchestral ensemble! We didn’t have time to waste chit-chatting with the local understudy’s understudy.”
Anderson was then seen asking the pair if he could come along to “network,” and according to eye-witnesses at the scene, was, “really cringy about it.”
“Well, forgive me for trying to make real connections!” exclaimed a sweaty Anderson. “Show business is all about who you know anyway, right? I mean, sure, I flubbed that interaction, but these things take time! It takes effort! It takes…”
Anderson paused and looked into his hands for a moment.
“Practice.”