OPINION: It’s Not Immersive Theatre, It’s a Robbery :)

by James La Bella. @james.la.bella.

BROOKLYN, NY - Respectfully I’m going to need you to stop trying to "trigger the bad ending" because I’m not doing a performance bit, I'm literally robbing you.

I understand that I’m wearing a mask and that it’s, as you mentioned, “giving Sleep No More”, but I promise this is not an immersive theatrical experience. I am actively looking to take things from you. Helen Shaw may be here, but that’s coincidental. A lot of people like the iHop on 14th. Now please, hand over your valuables.

I appreciate you asking if you can touch me but, again, that’s really not part of this. I just want your phone.

No, it’s not so you’ll #keepthesecrets; it’s because I’m going to go sell it to my cousin in Midwood. I really need a new bike. I sold mine for Robux and it turns out that’s not an NFT thing.

This isn’t a character backstory; this my actual life. Please stop looking under the napkin holders for clues - are clues even a part of it? It seems like you’re thinking escape room, at this point.

Look, I get it. Immersive theatre is the Jordan Peterson of theatre. It’s Boal for people who watch Euphoria. I could totally be an NYU student doing class commentary. I’m not, but I could be. Now give me your watch. I need this bike. I’ve been riding my Great Dane to work and it’s not going well. He hates it. Did you just break a plate? Why would you do that? Do you go to the theater and break things to see what’ll happen? That’s terrible.

Ok, well, I’ve got a good haul. I’m going to go now. Fine. I’ll take a bow. And-oops. Cops are here. Tell them this was theatre. I gotta find my Great Dane.