by Nat Hrvatin. @NatHrvatin.
CLEVELAND – Actress Alison Morgan Walters discovered a new way to passive aggressively annoy her cast mates this week: speaking in iambic pentameter. This skill has reportedly unlocked an exciting level of pettiness for Walters.
“Dost thou think thy suitable for Rizzo?” Walters questioned a fellow alto attending a Grease callback. “Thy mild temperament fits not the role.”
Grease director Betsy Smith overheard this exchange and offered her opinion.
“Alison was in one production of Macbeth and now she thinks she’s Shakespeare,” Smith commented while writing “Pink Ladies” in Sharpie onto a pink jacket and calling it a day. “In her callback, she transformed the lyrics of There are Worse Things I Could Do into Shakespearean verse and then had the nerve to tell me, in an ABAB rhyme scheme, that my production would go smoother if I hired a costume designer.”
Though not cast in Grease, Walters has started using her iambic pettiness in the classroom. Her geometry teacher, Sandra Thomas, added another perspective.
“Oh, that’s why Alison has been speaking so strangely?” Thomas said with a huge sigh of relief. “I thought she was experiencing some sort of crisis. Glad to know that I don’t need to feel sympathy for her anymore and can go back to rolling my eyes whenever she tells me to buy more flattering clothing.”
Walters’ next goal is to perform a one-woman improv show in iambic pentameter where she will give audience members unprompted, ill-informed life advice.
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