by Riley Rogers. @wrylyrogers.
ATLANTA, GA - Cutting his losses and instead choosing to get straight to the meat of the experience, local actor Colin Barrett has chosen to forgo the usual audition process and instead ask strangers on the street what they perceive to be his greatest personal shortcomings.
“With the self-tape process being so common nowadays, I hardly ever get to be in the same space as the casting team and see their disappointed faces as I walk in the room,” Barrett explained while trying to flag down an unsuspecting individual and beg them to really tell him like it is. “On the rare occasion an audition is in-person, I usually have to travel 45 minutes two ways just for one measly ‘Thanks, but we’re looking for someone taller.’ Why bother with all that when I can just find people to tear down my sense of self-worth right outside my front door?”
Lynne Cole, a woman who happened to be carrying her groceries home while Barrett was on the hunt for critique, says she was happy to help him out.
“I’ve always had a critical eye, so when that man approached me asking me to list what’s wrong with him, I had no issue pointing out that he looked too much like an animated rat from the movie Flushed Away to ever be considered a leading man. Not to mention his ‘outie’ belly button. And don’t even get me started on his sweaty kneecaps, he seriously needs to get that under control.”
Barrett’s longtime agent, Orlando Stewart, is concerned about what this could mean for the future of his client’s career.
“I have no idea what that kid is doing. He knows he’s not getting any jobs from this, right?” the agent exclaimed as he took a puff off his comically large cigar that he smoked inside his office at all times. “So he doesn’t want to audition anymore, he just wants to be publicly degraded? I don’t want to kink shame the guy, but in this case, I fear I must. My legitimacy as an agent is at stake.”
At press time, Barrett plans to continue pounding the pavement looking for that special kind of deep cut that he’ll think about every night just as he’s drifting off to sleep. When questioned on how he plans to make money now that he’s not going on any real auditions, Barrett replied, “No comment.”