by Caroline Hawthorne. @caroline_e_hawthorne (Instagram). @carolthecomic (Twitter).
DULUTH, OK - Local actor Jared Miller, after being cast as King Arthur in Sprite Theatre’s production of Spamalot, reportedly now believes he is an absolute comedic genius, much to the dismay of his castmates.
“After being in rehearsal, I just feel like comedy is what I was meant to do,” Miller stated as he practiced his stage falls. “Everyone is laughing so hard that they’re tearing up. Their stomachs hurt from cackling. I make their stomach hurt! I mean, give the people what they want, right?”
Lindsay Jones, director of Spamalot, has corrected this statement, stating that no one is crying from laughing, but crying because of how awful he is.
“My stomach doesn’t hurt from cackling, it hurts from wanting to throw up,” noted Jones, who is one of the few women in the rehearsal room. “He’s just doing a bad Tim Curry impression. When I tell him to perform it as himself, he just replies with “WE HAVE A QUEST’.”
Other castmates have complained, stating how Miller will now spend his breaks giving notes to actors on how they can “improve their bits”. Miriam Sandoval, who plays the Lady of the Lake, has spent rehearsal breaks hiding in the bathroom to avoid Miller.
“I was doing my solo in the second act, and he told me that my choices ‘weren’t bold enough’,” said Sandoval, who has studied improv for 10 years and is the only cast member with comedy experience. “Then he’ll try and test jokes on me, but they aren’t even jokes. They’re rants about his Tinder experiences.”
At press time, Miller is hoping to continue his comedy career with Sprite Theatre’s production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, another show that primarily features comic roles for men. As an unfunny man with an astounding amount of unearned confidence, Miller is a shoe-in for the lead.