• Broadway Beat

Man’s Seasonal Depression Announces Extended Run Through Spring

by Dan Kozuh. @dankozuh.

CHICAGO - A local man’s seasonal depression, which opened in early October, has announced that due to a successful run through the Fall and Winter, the production will extend its run through the end of this upcoming Spring season, sources close to the story report.


“Typically I start coming out of my funk around March,” the afflicted man, Bryant Lee, said in a statement. “But thanks to the outpouring of support from the community, it seems like we are going to keep this going for a few more months. Although it looks like we’re going to have to replace the part of my girlfriend due to a previously scheduled conflict. While I’m happy we’re extending, I was kinda hoping to move onto more experimental mental issues.”


While Lee might not be as excited about the move, his friends, however, welcome the extension.


“This is much better than that anxiety revival he kept mounting,” noted Lee’s college friend, Alison Garner. “His depression is a bit more subtle and accessible than the uncontrolled energy of his anxiety, and it sticks around because he tapped into how we’re all feeling. A big portion of the production is just laying on the couch rewatching Futurama. That resonates with me.”


Others have expressed differing opinions on the staying power of Lee’s depression.


“The budget is much smaller for his depression, which is part of the reason we are able to extend the run,” said Lee’s therapist, Dianna Patterson. “When he is manic, he buys stuff on Amazon by the truck-full, but with depression, the only real big expenditure is Taco Bell for every meal. Not to mention, cutting people out of your life really helps make casting much, much easier.”


At press time, Lee noted that he hopes to take the production to New York City in an effort to introduce his self-loathing a brand new audience, adding that the financial dismay this would cause him would add a “fascinating” new element to his already deep depression.