• Broadway Beat

Landlord Would Watch His Ass If He Knew He Were the Villain in Tenant's Unproduced Play

by Divyansh Kulshrestha. @Gr8Divyansh.

NEW YORK, NY - Assured that his landlord would rue the day he decided to be such a jerk, local tenant and aspiring playwright Doug Cromwell confirmed on Monday that landlord Ronald Williams would certainly watch his ass if he knew about his role as the cruel antagonist in his play.


“That greasy douchebag will think twice before every threatening me with an eviction notice when finds out how relentlessly I have denigrated his character in this play on my computer hard drive,” said Doug, trying to finish the first draft of the play while sitting in a Starbucks because he hasn't paid his internet bill. “All his rudeness has been immortalized through the antagonistic character, Donald Williams. The name is a subtle nod.”


Doug’s roommate Aaron Blake, who calls himself the first member of the Doug Cromwell fan club, was really impressed with the thematic conflict that the story explored using their landlord’s character.


“I think that this play, which is about how two roommates irritated by their cruel landlord plan to carry out a full-fledged heist on his house and steal his couch, is very intriguing,” said Aaron, while working on a poster for the play in which the landlord is "poorly dressed". "This story will genuinely touch a string with the demographic of 30 year olds who are six months behind on rent.”


Doug’s girlfriend and theatre enthusiast Jeannie, who can recite all songs from Moulin Rouge! but can’t really figure out a way to find a stable job, also expressed praise for her boyfriend’s new play.


“I think Doug’s play is really going to be seen up there with other classic plays that were inspired by real events. Hamilton, Evita, The King’s Speech and The Landlord’s A-Hole are gonna be viewed as all-time classics."


At press time, Doug added that revenge would be his as soon as he finishes the final draft, finds some producers to finance his play, figured out a way to get Andrew Lloyd Webber to compose some music for it and attach some talented actors - after which, he’ll just have to wait for the money to roll in.