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Fun! Joaquina Kalukango Excited to Finally Be Paid to Sing on Broadway

by Mike Abrams. @TheWrongCatDied.

NEW YORK, NY - Tony award winner Joaquina Kalukango is excited to finally be paid to perform on Broadway, in her current role as the Witch in Into The Woods, after months of performing for free.


“Joaquina Kalukango is a superstar and deserves all of the money in the world,” exclaims Kalukango’s money manager Jim Lehman as he changes his fee from 10% to 12% now that he is working with a non-criminal producer. “I’m all for Joaquina singing for free for charities and whatnot, but I’ve really encouraged her to embrace a lyric from my favorite Broadway musical Holler If Ya Hear Me: 'I gotta get paid. Well hey, well, that's the way it is'.”


Allegations pertaining to her previous unpaid project on Broadway are still under litigation. Since The Broadway Beat can’t afford a lawsuit, we reached out to an investment firm with experience dealing with similar financial scenarios.


“We don’t get a ton of musicals in the Bahamas, but I watched the Tonys and became a huge fan of Ms. Kalukango,” FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried DM’ed on Twitter as he played a musical theater expansion pack on Guitar Hero in his parent’s basement. “I don’t know exactly what happened with her previous Broadway show, but withholding payment on salary, bills, and benefits doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a deal to me.”


The Into The Woods’ financial team is excited about their show's success and what that means for being able to properly compensate their performers through the duration of its run.


“We love welcoming fresh, talented performers into our amazing and profitable Broadway production” said the show’s CFO Stephen Burns as he licksed his fingers counting last week’s profits. “We are proud to provide all of our performers a competitive salary, medical coverage, benefits, and two free Funfetti cookies from Schmackary's per week.”


While Kalukango and team have been thrilled to be part of this incredible production, they are still working to understand if she will be paid for full or half performances, as no one seems to be able to confirm if Into The Woods has a second act or not.

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