by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - In response to the Tony-winning musical Dear Evan Hansen announcing that its Broadway production will close this fall, local absolute fucking psychopath Dave Crebble insisted that not all was lost, assuring everyone that “at least we’ll always have the movie.”
“The film is a perfect representation of the stage show. It’s a blessing we’ll always have that beloved, flawless adaptation to watch again and again,” noted Crebble, who claims he sees nothing but chaos - the blank void - when shown a rorschach test. “In fact, years from now I doubt people will even know it was a stage show first. Who wants to pay to see the show in person when they can watch a version with some of the best songs cut and questionable casting, from the comfort of their own sewer?”
At press time, Crebble was furiously writing Spotify a letter asking them to remove the show’s original cast recording and leave only the film soundtrack, as the OBC “is simply not needed”. He was distracted, however when the rats - the many, many rats who call him king - began to carry him away, as it was time for king’s bath.
He spent most of the bath lamenting the fact that he just doesn’t “get” the film adaptation of Chicago.