Elon Musk Purchases Rights to “Company”, Isn’t Sure What Company It Is But Knows He Wants It
by Alexandra Bowman. @scripta_bene.
NEW YORK, NY - Billionaire Elon Musk, who purchased Twitter for $44 billion earlier this week, has demanded that Stephen Sondheim’s estate hand over the rights to the composer’s 1970 musical Company. Musk explained his motivations for the hostile takeover by noting that he isn't sure which "company" this is exactly, but that he’s really just feeling those company-buying vibes right now and wants to keep the party going, man.
“I haven’t fully investigated what Company is or what it does, but I do know one thing: I want all the people who work here to be able to say absolutely whatever they want. But they all have to think I’m funny. Like, really funny,” said Musk, who then beckoned his mom into our interview room in hopes of garnering our sympathies and affections.
“If any current employees of Company say anything mean about me once I take over, I won’t fire anyone, but I will have my army of Twitter trolls make them Patti LuPwned. Was that funny? Was that good? You didn’t like it? Well, you’re fired. LuPwned!”
When we explained to Musk that we do not work for him, he bought The Broadway Beat, and then fired us.
As of press time, Musk also plans to buy Saturday Night Live, appointing himself the show’s permanent host. Musk plans for the show to only air in the homes of Twitter users who said his first SNL hosting gig was “cheugy.” He wouldn’t crack down on those who called him “cringe,” but “cheugy” reportedly strikes a special nerve.