Local Man at Ellen’s Stardust Diner Just Wanted to Eat Burger in Peace
by Mike Abrams. @TheWrongCatDied.
NEW YORK, NY - Local New Yorker Jeffrey Foster was seen angrily eating a burger at Ellen’s Stardust Diner this afternoon, complaining that the “obnoxious surprise singing” was ruining his peaceful meal.
“I really was craving a nice, quiet diner burger after work,” shouted Foster to the tourist next to him as a waiter using paper plates to impersonate a candlestick sang ‘Be Our Guest’ standing on their table. “I don’t get a lot of quiet at home so I thought I’d check out a small diner when work brought me to this part of town. All of the best Manhattan diners are named after someone’s grandma, so I assumed this was one of those.”
Waiter Dave Harrison noted that it was clear Foster wasn’t aware of the guest experience at the famous Ellen’s Stardust Diner.
“I was a little skeptical when he walked in with the Sunday edition of the New York Times,” shared Harrison as he did his vocal warmups preparing to sing ‘Gee, Officer Krupke’. “I thought it was pretty well known that we sing musical theatre songs the entire time you are here. It’s pretty much the only reason someone comes, since the food kind of sucks. Don’t tell my boss I said that. ”
Daniel Granger, a tourist Foster was complaining to, loved bringing his family to Ellens after seeing The Music Man during their summer holiday.
“Hugh Jackman was good, but this waitstaff really should be on Broadway,” beamed Granger as his wife sang along to “Don’t Rain on My Parade” while dipping her waffle fries in ranch dressing. “Everyone here is so talented. My wife knows all of the songs from musicals, but we didn’t know Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Driver’s License’ was in a show.”
Granger started to clap along to the songs to drown out Foster’s constant reminder that he’s verified on Yelp. Foster finally left the diner after complaining that no milkshake should cost $17, while a waitress sang Hamilton’s “You’ll Be Back”.