IS IT CAKE? Fiyero’s Ass In Those Jea—Oh It’s Straw? It’s Actually Deeply Tragic?

by Jennifer Haining.

Munchkinland, Oz —  Well great Oz! These insanulous and terrifideous animal uprisings have put a real damper on things in the Emerald City! Let’s take a little vacay over to OzMania’s “Top Three,” where today we’re analyzing some of the finest cakes this side of the Yellow Brick Road. And ladies, we do not mean confectionariums.

3. Fiyero Tigalaar: Winkieland’s hottest princeling dances into every room with a juicy little roundabout that just won’t quit! Not to mention that girthy, succulent corn cob round fro—sorry, what?—he’s what? Surely it can’t be entirely straw. Oh god. What tragic news.

Alrighty then. That one’s for the birds! 

2. Boq Woodsman: Moving on to royal heartthrob by way of Munchkinland's dictatorial takeover, Boq’s firm lil’ol’ cupcake can takes silver for—sorry what’s that? Oh shiz! So I can’t say heart or can or silver or— mhmm. I mean, what a horrific choice of material on her part, no?

Okay. That one sure did rust quick!

1. Elphaba Thropp: Don’t get too close! The Wicked Witch of the West has got a BBL that’ll melt your face clean off! Those cheeks can ride my broomstick any—WHAT NOW?— a puddle? Am I being pranked and also what color was it? 

Well. That concept has officially dissolved.

Were gonna mop this mess up, do some reflecting and hang around Oz Witness News for the latest in—what? What did I say?

Next up: there’s a little girl in the town square with a little dog and - HA! The dog is fuckin' cake!