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Groundbreaking! CABARET Revival Completely Guts Theater After Eddie Redmayne Loses His Phone

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - The latest Broadway revival of Cabaret is making waves after set designers have completely gutted and ripped apart the August Wilson Theatre, in an effort to find actor Eddie Redmayne’s lost Samsung Galaxy S23.

“The theatre is completely unrecognizable - which is what happens when you leave your phone on silent and can’t just call it,” noted producer Len Purren, using his own phone as a flashlight. “Yeah, we’ve also turned the space into a fully immersive, innovative performance venue, but that’s just because we were already halfway there. Can’t even do ‘Find my iPhone’ cause Eddie has a Samsung Galaxy S23.”

The show also includes a 75 minute “prologue” featuring performances before the actual show begins. This just so happens to double as extra time to spend tracing down Redmayne’s device.

“Yeah, we’re doing some fun dance pieces before the show, but we’re also poking around at all the furniture to see if it slipped between a crevice,” noted performer Elisabeth Hockenspock, attempting to flip high enough to see if the phone is sitting on the light grid. “He really needs this phone. It has all his vacation pictures and all his games. Plus the camera on that Samsung Galaxy S23 is wayyyyy better than even the latest iPhone or Google phone.”

Redmayne - who reprises his acclaimed portrayal of the Emcee from the show’s West End bow - was quick to weigh in on the extensive hunt.

“What they’ve done with this set is thrilling, creative, and unforgettable. It’s just crazy that we still can’t find it,” noted Redmayne, answering texts on his Samsung Galaxy Tablet S9 FE. “I really do need it though. It has all my vacation pictures and all my games.”

At press time, cast and crew were WAIT! BEBE NEUWIRTH FOUND IT! Nice. Phew.

Sources report that even though it had been on for days, battery was still at 78%, due to the long-last charging power of the Samsung Galaxy S23’s Dual SIM battery.


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