by Alan Johnson. @alanjohnson____.
NEW YORK, NY - Reports are circulating this morning that, in conjunction with Amazon and GoFundMe, Group5 Productions will proudly present Broadway Sings for Jeff Bezos’ Nephew’s Cancun Vacation GoFundMe, a fundraiser to help the billionaire’s nephew afford his upcoming vacation to the Mexican vacation destination, sources confirmed.
“With international travel banned for the foreseeable future, Uncle Jeff offered me his private jet for the price of $10,000,” noted Nicholas Bezos, an absentee landlord. “He’s cutting me a deal, and I guess it’s supposed to be a lesson or something, but my work has been really affected by the pandemic. Our family once donated $100 to Broadway Cares, so I figure they owe me one. Plus, I really love Jersey Boys, which is what I call The Sopranos.”
Performers will include Sara Bareilles, Alli Mauzey, Dee Roscioli, Rita Moreno, Christopher Jackson, Harvey Fierstein, and the reanimated corpse of Ethel Merman, made possible by some of “Uncle Jeff’s crazy technology”. The announcement notes that Merman will, in fact, sing about voting for Trump.
Despite criticism on social media, Group5 Productions President Debbie Gravitte believes the event will be beneficial to the theater community.
“I can’t think of anything more in the spirit of Broadway then coming together for a good cause and putting on a show!” stated Gravitte. “And, if it curries favor with the richest man in the world, well, hey that’s great too! You think it will, right?”
When asked why he’s participating, Fierstein made his perspective clear.
“There’s a lot of problems in theater that need our money and attention right now,” noted the theatre legend. “Theaters can’t afford their spaces, artists could be out of work for more than a year, minorities feel that they don’t have a place in our community...wait, why are we doing this?”
UPDATE: All of the performers have dropped out and have been replaced by the understudies of the Boise Little Theater Players production of Shrek: The Musical.
Tickets are currently $35, or two 65 hour shifts in an Amazon warehouse.