BREAKING: Unemployment Line Announces Rush Policy
by Alec Brown. @brownta3.
NEW YORK, NY - With millions of Americans out of work, the New York Department of Labor has been unable to keep up with the high demand of unemployment applications, forcing them to take a note from the theatre community and issue what they’re calling a “General Rush Policy” for those seeking unemployment, the department confirmed.
“Similar to those on Broadway, the Unemployment Insurance’s General Rush will be offered daily on a first come, first serve basis,” said NYC Department of Labor Commissioner Roberta Reardon in a written statement. “The office will open at 10:00am Monday through Saturday, and at 12:00pm on Sunday. There’s no set time for the line to begin forming outside, but we recommend getting there much earlier than one would for a Broadway show, especially during the holidays when tourists may be in town looking for their unemployment checks.”
Nadia Gluck, a NYC Unemployment Insurance Agent, offered her comments while helping several people file their own unemployment claims.
”Our office feels like the Hamilton box office,” noted Gluck with maybe a little too much excitement. “When I clock into work, the General Rush line has already wrapped around four New York City blocks, and when I leave the office, people are usually setting up tents six feet apart from one another. It feels like when all those tweens camped outside SNL when One Direction was the musical guest - but now I’m Kate McKinnon!”
Jake Thompson, an actor and theatre patron who has been camped out in front of the office since 5am, shared his thoughts on the exciting new policy.
“When I rushed Hadestown, I got to the Walter Kerr at 7:00am and was already ninth in line,” Thompson said. “So I decided to come here two hours earlier, and I’m 126th in line. It’s gonna be a long wait, but I can’t seem to get through to the office any other way. At least now I can get unemployment in a way that makes sense to me, even if it’s standing room unemployment, ha ha. Wait… is that a thing?”
At press time, the department noted that out of the hundreds who are lining up for the Unemployment Insurance’s General Rush daily, roughly 10% get into the office to file their claim, of which at least 3% are listed as “obstructed benefit rate”.