• Broadway Beat

BFA Student Told to “Use That” After Apartment Catches Fire, Dog Runs Away, Bus Hits Shit Out of Her

by Syd Deone Cooper. @syd.deone.

NEW YORK, NY. - The show must go on! Under the guidance of her professors, BFA Sophomore, Lucy Fabray, will be able to perform in the annual monologue showcase; despite recent homelessness, familial turmoil, emotional instability, and paralyzation.


“Milly Bobby Brown doesn’t have a Kids Choice Award for going to therapy,” Fabray explained while skimming the Chekhov piece taped to her IV monitor. “You don’t see any of the greats praising their psychiatrists at the Tonys. Pressure makes diamonds, baby.”


Dr. Lorelai Monroe, a renowned professor at the university where Fabray studies, nodded approvingly at Lucy’s statement while pouring bottles of pain medication into the hospital toilet.


“Trauma, drama, it’s all the same. The universe gifted Miss Fabray enough distress to keep her active in the industry for at least a full week,” Monroe shared while trying to force a blouse over Lucy’s body cast. “It takes me back to my own days as an undergraduate student. I once performed a short poem for a small group of police officers mere seconds after my roommate attempted to murder me in my sleep. The adrenaline was too good to waste.”


Alumni confirmed that this was only the beginning for Lucy Fabray.


“Dr. Monroe took my career to a whole new level,” Kyle Miller proudly declared while tightening his McDonald’s visor. “I don’t feel a thing anymore. Anytime I need to release, I just start shouting Tennesee Williams into the headset. ”


At press time, Fabray allowed Dr. Monroe to remove the tube from her throat for a brief moment so she could echo the same sentiments.


*Tickets for the showcase are available at the door for five dollars. Dr. Monroe asks that all guests snicker and jeer at the performers.


“I want that stage covered in tears and broken dreams. Rejection is like artist cocaine.”