Beanie Feldstein to Lead “Funny Girl” Revival After Defeating Mezzo-Sopranos in Gladiatorial Combat
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - All hail your victor! Beanie Feldstein has been cast as Fanny Brice in next year’s Broadway revival of Funny Girl after defeating all other mezzo-sopranos in hand-to-hand, gladiatorial combat, sources draped in gold confirmed.
“It’s an unprecedented casting method, but these are unprecedented times,” noted casting director Marvin DeGored, who watched the mayhem from the highest tower while fanning himself with a piece of cloth. “Beanie has the comedic shops, she has the charm, she has the range, and she has the dried blood of over 200 head-voicers under her fingernails. Brava, my warrior. Brava,” he added before riding away on a white horse.
At press time, casting for the ensemble is under way on a remote island, where 500 actors have been dropped with various weapons and poisons at their disposal, with the final 22 survivors booking the parts. The event will be livestreamed on BroadwayHD, until the FBI locates where they’re streaming from.