by Mila Frumovitz. @mila._.blake. with Maxwell Seelig. @maxwell_seelig.
NEW YORK, NY. - Actor and part-time Zumba instructor Justin Beck announced that, despite the fact that he has struggled to find acting work over the last few months, no, he will no longer be accepting offers for Zoom readings, thus ending his run on the Great Screen Way.
“I have appreciated every single opportunity that the pandemic has offered me,” claimed Beck, clad in the circular glow of his recently-purchased ring light. “But I’m ready for something new. I’d love to try out some performance art or experimental theatre. I mean, I’m down for whatever! Shakespeare… puppetry… Shakespearean puppetry! I’m open to literally anything! As long as it is in person.”
Michael Gold, Beck’s roommate who regrets giving into pandemic pricing, passionately supports Beck’s decision.
“When Justin told me about his transition from laptop screen to stage, I have to admit that I was thrilled,” commented Gold while maneuvering around the pile of books that Beck has been using to prop up his laptop. “You know, I support him, but I just don’t think I could take another year of this. I mean, Justin doesn’t let me use the bathroom when he’s on Zoom, even though he works in the kitchen. He says that the microphone picks up water sounds. And if I had a quarter for every time one of my colleagues asked why a half-naked man was in my Zoom background...”
However, Beck’s commitment to his theatrical renaissance has significant economic implications.
“I understand that the pandemic is still affecting everyone’s work,” remarked Cynthia Aron, Beck’s landlord who kept saying “I’m one of the good ones” for some reason. “When he explained that he actually did have a job offer, I was a bit less sympathetic. Justin told me that he was offered another paid Zoom workshop. Justin told me he turned it down, even though it was his ‘dream role’ and it had ‘Equity wages.’ I told him we may have to evict, and he just said ‘worth it’.”
Beck is currently residing on his mother’s futon. Mrs. Beck noted that "while he might be drinking all of my orange juice, at least I never have to go to another fucking Zoom reading.”