Actor Delivers Audition So Powerful, Casting Director Stops Opening Salad Container

by Conor Moroney. @conorseamusactor.

NEW YORK, NY – Actor Aaron Durkin has entered the annals of theatrical history by delivering an audition so powerful that the casting director stopped opening their salad container.

“I was nervous, due to the timing,” Durkin said while sitting like a king on his throne in the cafe at Ripley-Grier. “It’s always a gamble to book your slot after lunch. I walked in and, sure enough, a cobb salad was there, just waiting to be ripped open. So I locked in, and by the time I finished my first sentence, the rattling had stopped. It has now surpassed my achievement of once having a producer hold in a sneeze.”

Lucy Banks, the casting director for Pushing Guff – a new tragic pastoral about septic tank servicers and their desire to be free – is still in shock of Durkin’s ability to pause her midday meal.

“I mean, it was a cobb salad,” Banks said as she gleefully shredded nonunion headshots. “Those buggers are so tricky to open, so I’m tinkering away and I just hear, ‘You think this is funny?’ and I am hooked. This is how I want to be moved. Not by some lunatic crashing through the door right into ‘To be or not to be.’”

Lucas Earlman, Supercilious Theatre Company’s Artistic Director and Trauma Bond Coach, always knew that his protege’s acting would stop people from savoring nutritious morsels.

“A cobb salad, huh? I always knew he had it in him,” Earlman said while throwing shoes at BFA students for target practice. “Ever since I dropped him in front of a mirror for six hours straight, I knew he was going to be a force in the theatrical world. The last time I saw such thespianic brilliance, I actually stopped drawing dumb little circles on their resume to listen to their monologue.”

The Broadway Beat reached out to the creative team to see if they would move forward with Durkin and they said, “No.” Apparently, according to the producers, Hugh Jackman needs the health weeks and the pension.