by Garrett Brown. @garrettbrownproductions.
TULSA, OK. – I work at the Bank of America downtown location as a Financial Advisor. On March 3rd, 2024, I was written up and reprimanded by my supervisor Jeff, accused of “falling asleep” during a meeting with an important client. I am writing here to clear the air and dispel any false notions that I was not doing my job: I was actually incredibly busy dancing in a 15-min long dream ballet.
The dream ballet is an incredibly underrated aspect of musical theatre, and I will not be shamed into apologizing for loving it. Also, dream ballets exist outside the continuity of the show they are nestled in, so even if my contract said I couldn’t dance during work, I technically cannot be punished.
It’s difficult to be blamed for an action that is literally “non-canonical,” even if the security camera in the bank shows me slumping onto my desk, snoring, and even a little drool.
The dream ballet is crucial, as it allows the audience to have the themes of the story restated and interpreted, often foregoing lyrics for melody, dance, and lighting. Without me spending nearly a quarter of an hour twisting and turning through a variety of changing lights, how are people supposed to know that I hate my job and hate all of my co-workers? The audience would be losing valuable context without the changing tempo as I’m inexplicably swept up by male dancers dressed as old-timey sailors.
I’m disappointed in Bank of America. Instead of being open-minded and welcoming, I am punished for being dedicated to something that does not increase their revenue or help their customers. Apparently they hired me to work with customers? That’s new information to me; I can’t help it that they keep changing the rules without telling me.
I hope this statement clears up all of those terrible and untrue rumors, and I look forward to an official apology from Bank of America. Especially from Jeff, but also because I know he keeps eating my yogurt in the breakroom fridge.