by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
Washington, D.C. - With the official casting of former U.S. Vice President Joe Biden, the 2020 Presidential Democratic primary has officially smashed all records for the largest ensemble cast in Broadway history.
“It’s a testament to the power of living, breathing theater that we were able to assemble such an iconic ensemble to lead us into the 2020 primary,” says Democratic National Committee chairman Tom Perez. “I think all candidates will compliment each other perfectly to create a balanced, weaving snapshot of beliefs and ideals. And they, by no means, will all split the vote amongst the American people and end up diminishing each other’s chances of winning the election. No no no - having this many stars is a good thing.”
The primary, which already boasted power players including Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders (reprising his role from the 2016 production) also shines a light on exciting newcomers such as Beto O’Rourke, who Perez notes as “a viable and totally necessary casting." Still, some candidates were wary of their new co-stars.
“I just worry about the politics of it all,” notes candidate Kamala Harris, who was rumored to be involved in the production far before her casting was officially confirmed. “We all get along now, but when push comes to shove, I know there may be some nasty words thrown about. I just hope we all get a fair, balanced shot and don’t steal anyone’s spotlight,” she added, again reiterating that the cast believes their quantity is a good thing for some reason.
Other cast members, such as Julian Castro, Cory Booker, Pete Buttigieg, Kirsten Gillibrand, Jay Inslee, Tulsi Gabbard, John Delaney, and more that we would name at the risk of going over the article’s designated word count, declined to comment - except for a collective statement that reads “we all definitely believe that we should be running and that this won’t have any negative impact on the party’s chances as a whole.”
At press time, tailors around the D.C. area were already stressed about the number of dark blue and dark grey suits they would need to prep for the run, noting that they would much rather produce 3 or 4 high quality suits with clearly expressed ideals and strategies as opposed to the “two dozen questionable, thinly drawn out” items that have been commissioned.