by Brian Matuszak. @rchickentheater.
NEW YORK, NY - It’s been nearly a year since the forced closure of every theatrical production on Broadway, throwing the season into chaos and resulting in the cancellation of many highly anticipated shows, as well as putting thousands of artists out of work. While COVID was to blame, the culprit behind the disease was Nathan Samborski, an understudy who mistakenly uttered “Macbeth” backstage during a rehearsal of The Music Man, sources confirmed.
“Of course I know you’re not supposed to say it,” said Samborski, who has been in hiding since last March. “But the traveling salesmen understudies and I were playing Trivial Pursuit and it came up as a question. And it was for a pie piece! So I figured I could just sorta whisper it and it wouldn’t rain down death and destruction on a global scale. But, well… you know...”
Castmate Leah Figaro, who was poised to make her Broadway debut as the Fourth Pickalittle Lady, would like to wreak a little havoc of her own.
“That moron is responsible for hundreds of thousands of lives being destroyed forever,” seethed Figaro while scratching Samborski’s name into her left arm with blood-encrusted fingernails. “But even worse? I had three agency reps coming opening night. ASSHOLE!!!”
Connor Lepage, Nathan’s former understudy castmate, is one of the few people willing to express support for the man who wiped out the world with one word.
“Look, there were theater superstitions being ignored left and right during that production,” claimed Lepage while shredding old headshots to keep warm. “Hugh Jackman was constantly whistling, stuffing peacock feathers down his dance belt, and using the ghost light to light his Tiparillos. How do we know that didn’t cause a worldwide pandemic? Seems more likely than just saying Macb- DAMMIT!”
Samborski actually thinks that Broadway should thank him for causing the yearlong shutdown of an entire industry. He’s hopeful that the time off may have caused producers to rethink unfair labor practices, or at least to rename the song “Shipoopi.”