Edward Precht. @PertoltPrecht.
SETAUKET, NY – Long Island resident Marge Dunleavy got a rude awakening earlier this week when she discovered that “Broadway Cares: Equity Fights AIDS” - the nonprofit that works towards HIV awareness and prevention through fundraisers, galas, and special performances that she fervent;y donated to – wasn’t actually something called “Broadway Bears”, and that there were in fact no bears involved at all.
“I was deeply upset when I found out,” Ms. Dunleavy confessed. “When I first heard about the organization, I thought ‘heck yes, I get to see some bears, please take my money now,’ only to find out that not only are there no bears within the organization, and no bears literally fighting the AIDS. It’s misleading on both counts, honestly, and they should be ashamed of themselves.”
Tom Viola, Executive Director of BC:EFA, says this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
“Oh, gosh, no,” he said at a press conference earlier today, “This happens way more often than you’d think. We’ve gotten a few ‘Broadway Bears,’ some ‘Broadway Pears,’ even a ‘Broadway Chair.’ I blame ourselves, really, for having such a rhymable name.”
When pressed to reveal what she thought Broadway Bears would’ve done, Ms. Dunleavy got defensive.
“Look, I don’t know, okay? Maybe they trained bears to fight AIDS. Maybe the bears ran the nonprofit. The possibilities were endless,’ she said, after a long pause. “I don’t, I don’t know if I ever really believed there would be bears. I wanted there to be bears, sure, and had I known there weren’t going to be any, maybe I… maybe I wouldn’t have, I don’t –” at which point she trailed off, sighed, and stared into space for a good fourty seconds.
Ms. Dunleavy, after some deliberation, graciously allowed BC:EFA to keep her donation, but plans to spend her money a little more wisely in the future.
“No more donating willy-nilly. I’m doing my homework this time. For instance, I’m thinking of send money to something called the ‘Llamatists Guild of America.’ That sounds fun.”