Jon M. Chu Announces “Wicked” Will Actually Be Three Movies, Due to That Look on Your Face Right Now
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
LOS ANGELES - Wicked director Jon M. Chu announced today that - contrary to the news that his adaptation will be two films - the project will now be three films, all due to the look on your face as you hear this, the prank god filmmaker confirmed.
“Yep, gonna be three movies. Three. Can you even try to guess where they’ll separate?” questioned Chu, while holding up a fake flower that almost definitely will squirt water if you smell it. “Actually, uh,” he began, taking breaks to snicker and compose himself. “It’s gonna be four movies. No, five! Hahaha no it’s actually a 12 episode limited series. God, you’re gullible. I like you. You’re a good kid.”
Wicked producers have reportedly begun to grow tiresome of Chu’s Jackass-lite shenanigans.
“It’s all in good fun, but he’s spent so much of the budget on whoopie cushions,” noted producer Rock Letterman, face covered in whipped cream pie. “Replacing the 'Defying Gravity' wires with sour straws is not only a pretty weak prank, but a possible homicide.”
Wicked fans across the globe are growing tired of his - as Chu puts it - “freakin’ gags”.
“Every week he reveals a new update that’s obviously false, and if you show even the tiniest emotion, he bursts out laughing like he pulled off the ruse of the century,” noted fan Penelope Fester-Smolp, who has resorted to military desensitization training techniques to avoid being clowned by the filmmaker. “The two films are real, but I’ll be damned if I fall for the idea that Doctor Dillamond is going to be played by a real goat he taught to speak. Unless… I mean, could he… ahh no I’m doing it again!”
At press time, Chu was seen wandering the Universal Pictures lot, tossing banana peels around while filming for his YouTube prank channel. The first Wicked film hits theaters on our birthday, and everyone’s gonna be too busy to throw us a party. In fact, there WILL be a party, but nobody will show up and we’re gonna look really stup- god damn it, he got us too.