by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - You hate to see it. Following the news that Ivo van Hove’s production of West Side Story will not be returning to Broadway, the giant screen used in the production were seen applying for a job at a local AMC movie theater, heartbroken sources confirmed.
“I have a history of showcasing in-person action on a screen right behind the in-person action, but am totally capable of something more simple. I can definitely do the next Boss Baby movie, and would love the opportunity to show a Marvel film,” noted the screen, whose resume skills section just reads “we are big screens”. “Sure, this isn’t quite as glamorous as Broadway, but I'm more than qualified, and have a family of small projector screens to feed. You gotta do what you gotta do, even if that means letting them project the next Fast & Furious onto you.”
The screen - who was with West Side Story since the production’s earliest inception - noted that they would even be willing to take on an internship if it meant there would be an opportunity for growth, as the shuttering of movie theaters of the past year has led to a great deal of experienced screens looking for work.
At press time, the screen remained hopeful that they would find work in time for this December’s premiere of Steven Spielberg’s West Side Story adaptation, with other screens reportedly furious at the idea, calling their potential hiring “nepotistic”, and noting that their light balance hasn’t even been formatted for proper films. In the meantime, the screen has been picking up side work at a children’s theater company, as a background for shadow puppets.