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We Tried to Choose a "Hamilton" Disney Plus Headline But We Couldn't Land On One So Here's 87

by The Broadway Beat writers (socials below).

"Tiny Hamilton Cast That Lives in the TV Must Be Exhausted From Thousands of Daily Streams," Says Sweet, Naïve Child


Teen Discretely Recording Disney Plus’ Hamilton on iPhone, Will Post Bootleg to YouTube


Disney Announces New Streaming Service "Hamilton Plus", Literally Just a Livestream of Lin-Manuel Miranda Counting His Money


Critics Divided Over Disney's Choice to Give Hamilton a Wookiee Sidekick, Fly Around in the Millennium Falcon, Get Frozen in Carbonite at the End


"I Am Not Throwing Away My Shot", Yells Losing Player of Hamilton Drinking Game at Family BBQ


Hamilton Fans Outraged After Turning On Disney Plus Subtitles and Realizing “Schuyler” is Spelled Like That 


Disney Uses Latest Technology To "Lighten Up" Hamilton Cast As To Not Scare Suburban Viewers


Hamilton Now Available For Choppy Buffering On Disney Plus


After Fan Backlash, Disney to Remove Pixar Short "Olaf Tries His Hand at Rapping"


Celebrate the Schuyler Sisters Becoming Disney Princesses by Not Butchering Their Song for One Freaking Day, Jeez


"Disney Plus to Stream Musical for $6.99 That I Paid $400 to See from the Rear Balcony," Reports Non-Bitter Journalist


Disney Adds Character Name Tags to Hamilton Actors So White Audiences Can Tell Black People Apart

Disney Plus Hamilton Donates F-Bombs to the American Military 


Disney Plus Hamilton to Include Sounds of Ringing Cell Phones & Unwrapping Candy for Authentic Broadway Experience


QUIZ: Are You a History Buff or Did You Just Watch Hamilton on Disney Plus This Weekend?


“Dude, WTF?” Cry Broadway Casts of Aladdin, The Lion King, and Frozen Whose Productions Were Not Recorded for Disney Plus


“First It’s Just Statues of Slave Owners But Soon It’ll Be the Hamilton Marquee,” says Conservative Dad in new GOTCHA


Experts Predict “30 to 60 days” Before We Inevitably Recieve Unsolicited Katy Perry Cover of “Burn”


“Release the Tommy Kail Cut,” Demand Angry Hamilton Fans Who Want Disney Plus to Include All Three F-Bombs.


Distraught Amidst Waning Popularity, "Tiger King's" Joe Exotic Demands Leading Role in Hamilton's Sequel, "Ghost of Alexander"


"Helpless" Romantic or Emotionally Cheating? This Woman Keeps DMing Her Sister’s Husband


[SPONSORED POST] Hamilton on Disney+ is 161 Minutes, But 15 Minutes Could Save You 15% or More On Car Insurance With Geico


After Coming To Terms With Rating Hamilton Movie PG-13, The Motion Picture Association Rates the Year 2020 R 


Patron Thinks Hamilton Is About Hamilton Heights and is Sequel to In The Heights


Exclusive: An Interview with Lin Manuel Miranda's Hamilton Goatee on the art of "Waiting For It" and Finally Making Its Feature Film Debut


Reports of Broken TV Screens and Broken Arms Surge Around the Country as Viewers Attempt to Learn Hamilton Choreography From Their Living Rooms


Breaking: Hamilton Film Proves To Be True COVID-19 Cure, As U.S. Citizens Choose to Watch Musical Over and Over Again Instead of Ever Going Outside


Hamilton Fan Relapses After Watching Film, Breaks Two Year Streak of Not Rapping "My Shot" 


All F-Bombs In Hamilton To Be Replaced With Classic Goofy “Gawrsh!” 


Lin-Manuel Miranda to Replace Bob Iger as Disney CEO After "Making Disney a Mouse-Ton of Money"

Local Man in Tears After Winning Hamilton Lottery, Wife Explains, "Robert, It's a Filmed Version, It's Not... Oh, Nevermind."


Meat Lovers Rejoice: Non-Kosher Meat Musical HAMilton Now Streaming


Local Woman Throws $500 Out of Window, Sits Behind Roommate to Get Full Hamilton Experience


Generosity: The First 1,000 People To Stream Hamilton On Disney Plus Will Get A Free Bottle Of Jonathan Groff's Signature Musk


I Accidentally Clicked On the Wrong Thing, and Well Long Story Short I Ended Up Watching The Country Bears. Here's My Review


Actor Asked Why He Doesn't Audition For Hamilton After Family Watches Production On Disney Plus


Get Ready to ‘Hamilton and Chill,’ But You’re Going to Have to Know Literally All the Choreography First  


Shut Up, Old Man: What My Grandkids Will Say When I Tell Them I Remember Where I Was When Hamilton Became Available For Streaming


Nothing Visual Censored In Hamilton On Disney Plus, Even The Sexy Wexy, Steamy Weamy Sex Scene


10 Pornographic Images That Aren't as Sexually Enticing as Daveed Diggs in Hamilton


REPORT: Hamilton Is Available To Watch On Disney Plus, As Long As My Dick Cousin Rodney Gives Me His Fucking Password


Myth Debunked: Christopher Jackson Never Chopped Down A Cherry Tree In Real Life


Disney to Release a Version of Hamilton at Half Speed So Karen Can Understand What They’re Saying

"'I Thought Obama Was In This?' says Grandma watching Hamilton


King George of Disney’s Hamilton to be inducted into Disney Princess Lineup

Walt Disney World to Replace Thomas Jefferson Animatronic with Daveed Diggs


Disney to Produce Hamilton 2: Here We Go Again, Featuring New Music By ABBA


Members of US Cabinet Shocked To Discover They Could Have Been Rapping This Whole Time


In Light of Hamilton's Success, Disney Plus Announces Heavily Censored Recording of Spring Awakening


Experts Agree: Friends With Disney Plus Account are Somehow Worse then Friends who Saw Hamilton Live


Hamilton Wins Seventeen Academy Awards Ahead of Disney Plus Premiere 


Netflix Purchases Rights to R-Rated Director’s Cut of Hamilton Containing Full-Frontal Nudity


Disney Plus Marketing Team Promises "Best Seat in the House" for Hamilton Movie; Technically True As All Theaters, Venues and Seats Remain Closed in 2020 

Opinion: Hamilton is the Turntable Representation We’ve Been Waiting For


Lin-Manuel Miranda Tapped to Pen Hamilton: An American Musical: The Movie: The Musical: The Series


Trump Administration Doubles Value of Government Stimulus Package by Mailing a DVD Copy of Orchestra-View OBC Hamilton to Every American Household


Really High-Quality Founding Father Slime Tutorial Available to Stream Now


Oh, So The Cops Won't Do Anything About the Fireworks, But As Soon As I Scream "To the Revolution!" From My Fire Escape It's *Whoop* *Whoop* Ma'am

REPORT: I'm Roommates With the Original Stage Manager, and He Will Not Stop Screaming at the TV


Disney to Update "Rock 'n' Roller Coaster" for Hamilton, Changes it To "Die 'n' A Duel-o-Coaster"

“Wait, Which One Was Supposed to Come Out?” asks Lin-Manuel Miranda Regarding Hamilton and In The Heights Films


Disney Plus Servers Crash, Causing “One Last Time” to Repeat 386 Times.


Revolving Stage in Hamilton Excited to Make Film Debut


Disney Plus Already Planning Hamilton Sequel, The Brave Little Founding Father Goes to Mars 


SURPRISE: New Hamilton Spin-Off Premiering on Disney Plus Tackles Emancipation as a Pop Opera


Local Mom Loves That Black-ish Guest Star Got To Do His “Little Musical Thing”

QUIZ: Are You An Angelica, Eliza, Or My Sister Who Would NOT Shut Up During Hamilton? Sad! This Composer Can Only Speak in Platitudes Broadway Still Racist Four Years After Hamilton? Lol Seems Fake But Here’s a Story Anyway


“Nothing Can Stop Hamilton - Not Toni Morrison, Not a Pandemic, and Certainly Not This,” says Touring Actor Spreading Crabs “I’ll Never Be Satisfied!” Shouts Hamilton Fan at Waiter


Peggy Cut For Time From Disney Plus Hamilton 


Hamilton Fan Who‘s Never Seen the Show Yet Knows Every Word of the Soundtrack Excited to Confirm Plot


Local Community Theater’s Zoom Reading of Troilus and Cressida in Competition With Hamilton’s Disney Plus Release


Disney Plus Suspends Free Trial Because of Hamilton and That One Musical Episode of That’s So Raven


Disney Version Of Hamilton Edits Out Part Where Charters Discuss the Importance Of Breaking Up Media Conglomerates Alternative Disney Hamilton Ending Features An Antisemitic Hamilton Having His Head Frozen For Eternity

Hamilton Adds Cute Baby Elephant With Large Ears to Storyline For Disney Release Hamilton Cast Quietly Not Shown Song Of The South Before Disney Agreement Suburban Couple Quickly Mentions How Much They Enjoyed Hamilton To Only Black Friend 


Opinion: Despite Hamilton, Kim Possible’s “Naked Mole Rap” is Still the Best Hip-Hop on Disney Plus


Audience Member Thankful Hamilton Cast Doesn’t Take Individual Bows in Disney Plus Cut


QUIZ: Are Your Parents Cool Or Did They Read On Some Blog They Could Connect With You By Watching Hamilton?


Ron Chernow seeks to change Hamilton credit from “Show Historian” to “Guy Who Actually Did All the Hard Work, Dammit.”


Opinion: Stop Going to See Hamilton So They’ll Be Forced to Start Stunt Casting Professional Rappers


SPOILERS AHEAD: What Nick Fury's Post-Credits Hamilton Appearance Really Means for the Broadway Cinematic Universe


Suburban Couple Sad To Find Out That Watching Hamilton Doesn't Count As Activism


Disney Plus Renamed "Hamilton Presents Disney Plus"


Contributed by (in alphabetical order):


Russell Aguirre (@russellsondheim). Roxy Arecco (@RoxyArecco). Justin Ayer (JustAyer). Denzel Belin (from_washington). Marcus Canada (@marcus_canada_). Grant Cleaveland (@cleaveland_g). Brian Cudina (@briancudina). Ryan Danley (@isridiculous). Steven Hayet (@notscubasteve). Ziye Hu (@ziyehu). Sarah Leiber (@sarahjaeleiber). Brendan Leonard (@brennylen). Mikayla Petrilla (@heyitsmikayy). Edward Precht (@pertoltprecht). Zach Raffio (zachraffio). Victoria Rios (@not_carrots). HaleyJane Rose (@haleyisfamous). Gus Sanchez (@gusdavsanchez). Cameron Smith (@camraynyc). Annette Storckman (@astorcks). Daniel Tepper (@tanieldepper).