by Brian Cudina. @BrianCudina.
NEW YORK, NY. — At a press conference held in Greeley Square Park today, the famed Fiddler On The Roof officially announced his decision to leave Anatevka and fiddle on the roof professionally moving forward.
“I hear the sunrise is beautiful in midtown,” said the Fiddler looking longingly at the Empire State Building mere blocks away. “I mean, my yield is usually 15-30 feet maximum, which is nothing,” said the Fiddler. “But once we moved to America, how could I not get romantic?”
According to the Fiddler, he plans to start in New York with the hope of launching a national tour.
“For now I want to have gigs on the roofs of the Times and Trump Tower. Some will see it as a political statement, but I cannot stress this is truly about almost dying as a representation for the precariousness of values clashing with a progressive society.”
He did not seem concerned with the danger of plummeting hundreds of stories to a painless yet grisly demise. For now, the Fiddler claimed he has been working tirelessly with his team to figure out the logistics of playing in a large metropolis.
“When you’re up that high, not many people will hear you,” said Gunnar Saliente, Fiddler’s long time sound engineer. “We’re experimenting with how to have that simple melody reach a much larger pre-occupied audience thousands of feet below.”
For 55 years, the fiddler has been the metaphorical inspiration for so many of Anatevka’s long oppressed citizens. This could not be more true for the Fiddler’s closest friend, Tevye the Dairyman.
“You could debate there is no Fiddler without me,” said a melancholy Tevye. “In fact, many classrooms have. I brought him to America, but now I have to let the little bird fly.
No performance schedule has been announced, as the Fiddler tends to play when you need him to dramatically move your life along. After the conference concluded, the Fiddler could be seen practicing on top of a local halal cart muttering, “Itzhak got nothing on me.”