AMAZING! Tenor Discovers “Macbeth” Isn’t the Only Word You Can Get in Trouble for Saying

by Phin Samdperil.

TOLEDO, OH — Braden Slater, a high school junior at the Toledo School For the Arts, has earned a one-week suspension after using a word the principal deemed “offensive," hateful,” and “a slur.” Slater claims he was under the impression that “Macbeth” was the only word you weren’t supposed to say.

“I was told I couldn’t say Macbeth, and then people started telling me there were two words I can’t say? That’s too much to keep track of,” said Slater, after finishing extensive vocal warmups in preparation for this interview. “I was only saying the word to help get myself into character. It seems like nobody respects the craft anymore.”

Joey Brighton, a freshman and one of Slater’s castmates, has been identified as the person who the word was directed at.

“I don’t understand how saying that word would help him embody Pinocchio at all,” Brighton sobbed, leaving the Guidance Counselor’s office. “He called me that word because we were practicing the Freak Flag harmonies and he got mad that I was singing his part. It was a tenor sectional… we were all singing the same part.”

Before that evening’s rehearsal, Stephanie Green, the show’s student director, was found outside the theater spray-painting the walls with even more offensive words.

“I wouldn’t call this graffiti. I’m doing an act of public good,” insisted Green, adding some decorative serifs to one of the words while waving at a group of fourth graders boarding the bus. “I’m creating a giant list of all the words you can’t say, for everyone to see. That way, nobody will say a bad word again.”

Slater returned to school later that week and was interviewed again in case he had decided to apologize.

“No way. I just can’t believe Principal Williams got so mad at me. She really is such a–” The editors at The Broadway Beat have chosen not to include the full quote.