Driver’s Ed Teacher Suggests You Slam on the Brake Before You Even Turn the Key

by Kinsey Jasnoch. @kinseyjasnoch.

ROCHESTER, NEW YORK –  Westview High School sophomore Tommy Fairbrook revealed this week that his skittish new Driver’s Ed teacher, who introduced himself rather dubiously as “Kevin… Kevin Ansen,” has been instructing his students to avoid potential mistakes by slamming on the car’s brake before they’ve even turned the key. 

“I’m just trying to learn the basics – you know, turn signals, driving in snow – so I can get my license this summer,” Fairbrook sighed while flipping through pages and pages of notes about precautions to take before starting his vehicle. “But we’re pretty deep into the semester at this point, and the main takeaway has been to never move the car at all. I don’t even think he’s that good of a driver – he’s had a broken arm this whole time.” 

Pippa Seltzer, three-time Emmy Award viewer and one of Fairbrook’s classmates, agreed that their teacher’s methods were rather unconventional. 

“He’s constantly asking us if anybody can see if anybody’s ‘waving back at him.’ It’s a real obsession. Like, it’s been a quiz question a couple of times. I don’t know if it’s an eyesight issue or something else, but I’m honestly not sure if he should be behind the wheel.” 

Fairbrook said that when he finally was able to schedule a highway driving session with Mr. Ansen, it took them 40 minutes to leave the school parking lot, and then the instructor, clad in his usual striped blue polo, insisted on “watch, watch, watching people pass,” so they never actually went anywhere.

Driver’s Ed isn’t all for Mr. Ansen, though!

In the summers, he works as a supervisor for the lifeguards at the local public pool, where he encourages his employees to put themselves and their mental health first and to “step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned.” The pool saw 19 drowning deaths last year.