Tax Returns Reveal "Seussical" Mayor Only Paid 750 Widdlydoos or Whatever the Fuck They Use As Money
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
WHO-VILLE - Divisive politician Mr. Mayor has entered a bombshell stream of controversy this week after the Whovian Press revealed his tax returns from the past several years, highlighting that he has only paid a mere 750 widdlydoos, or whatever they use for money, I don’t know, disgruntled sources confirmed.
“It’s despicable that he would pay so little when many of us pay so much,” noted Mayzie La Bird while wearing a “Socialism the Mostialiasm” t-shirt. “The man has a high paying jobs and lives in a mansion, but only pays 750 giggletiggles? I think that’s what we call our money anyway. Gotta be something similar at least.”
Mr. Mayor has been under scrutiny for not releasing his tax returns since he took office in 2016. The document shows that he reported major losses in his sales of hoodlebimps and skigglewamps or whatever in fuck’s name - paying only 750 cuppibops or some shit for three consecutive years. His wife, Mrs. Mayor, attempted to defend his actions.
“FAKE WHOS!” tweeted Mrs. Mayor. It should be noted, however, that “tweeting” in the Seussical world has nothing to do with Twitter, but rather it’s when you communicate whimsically through a big, multi-colored bird using a silly voice. Who the fuck knows what that’s all about.
However, Mr. and Mrs. Mayor’s son, Jojo, has garnered an active following of his own - speaking out against his parents actions and showcasing support for local candidate Bernie Sanderizzle (are you fucking kidding me?).
“My parents are completely behind the times, and this tax scandal should not be ignored,” noted Jojo on the latest episode of Pod Save Who-ville. “They are detrimental to the democracilliddy of Who-ville, and my father should be impeachedoozled and charged with tax frauduckeddy immediately.”
At press time, members of the community were planning a large protest outside of the Mayor’s bright mushroom mansion or whatever the absolute fuck. Most protests have started peaceful, with authorities (funny little toads with big noses probably named Froggells) eventually showing up and escalating violence. The protestors have been given multiple names by the right-wing Who media, such as “Riotoraras”, “Leftistootles”, and “Antifa”.
Mr. Mayor, however, is hoping the scandalizzle doesn’t affect his re-electionidoo chances on Novemberipple 3rdoozdiddlydot, where he’ll face his opponent - former U.S. Vice President Joe Biden. Wait, what?