by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
LANSING, Mi. - Derek Haddel, a local Lansing High School student working stage crew for their production of The Crucible, made waves this week after somehow mishearing the director’s instruction to wear “all black” on show days, and instead showed up wearing a loud, glittery vest and angel-soft feather boa.
“It’s really a textbook blunder,” noted the high school junior with a harmless shrug. “I had a little cold, so my ear was stuffed when the director was telling us what to wear. When she said ‘wear all black so you blend in during scenes changes’, I heard ‘wear the finest glitter vest you can find in this godforsaken town, and pair it with an extravagant feather boa plucked from heaven's favorite goose. You’re gonna look great, Derek’ and went with that. Anybody coulda made this mistake.”
Mrs. Panterbury, the show’s director and the school’s AP physics teacher, shared her thoughts on the clothing snafu.
“I clearly said to wear all black. I also wrote it in the permission slip for parents, and I even had the students text each other as a reminder,” noted Panterbury, with a frustrated shrug. “He claims he didn’t have his glasses on, so thought the text said ‘adorn yourself with a show-stopping, sun-bright glitter part-shirt, and make sure its’ partner in crime is a delicious, unreasonable feather boa. You’re gonna look great, Derek.' Needless to say, he ruined the show."
Audience members agreed that Haddel’s look was distracting at best.
“It’s a really intense play,” noted Sasha Julip, with a shrug that, uh... we don't really know why she shrugged. “Every time there was a scene change, just as we were being wrapped up in the dramatic, repressed world of this story, a young man in the most delicious ensemble I’ve ever seen would walk on stage pushing a dresser or placing a candle. I have no idea what happened in the actual show.”
At press time, Haddel was again causing controversy when he was assigned to bring iced tea and lemonade to the cast party, but brought over a dozen horribly behaved hamsters, insisting he heard them say to bring “live hamsters” and “more live hamsters. You’re gonna look great, Derek.”