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Stage Crew Member Mishears “Wear All Black” as “Wear Glitter Vest and Feather Boa”

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

LANSING, Mi. - Derek Haddel, a local Lansing High School student working stage crew for their production of The Crucible, made waves this week after somehow mishearing the director’s instruction to wear “all black” on show days, and instead showed up wearing a loud, glittery vest and feather boa, sources confirmed.

“It’s really a classic mixup,” noted the high school junior. “I had a little cold, so my ear was stuffed when the director was telling us what to wear. When she said ‘wear all black so you blend in during scenes changes’, I heard ‘wear the finest glitter vest you can find in this damn town, and pair it with an extravagant feather boa. You’re gonna look great, Derek’ and went with that. Anybody could have made this mistake.”

Mrs. Panterbury, the show’s director and the school’s AP physics teacher, shared her thoughts on the clothing snafu.

“I clearly said to wear all black. I also wrote it in the permission slip for parents, and I even had the students text each other as a reminder,” noted Panterbury. “He claims he didn’t have his glasses on, so thought the text said ‘adorn yourself with a show-stopping, sun-bright glitter vest, and make sure its’ partner in crime is a delicious, unreasonable feather boa. You’re gonna look great, Derek’. Needless to say, he ruined the show.

Audience members agreed that Haddel’s look was distracting at best.

“It’s a really intense play,” noted Sasha Julip, whose son Leonard played John Proctor in the production. “Every time there was a scene change, just as we were being wrapped up in the dramatic, repressed world of this story, a young man in the shiniest vest I’ve ever seen and a big, wavy feather boa would walk on stage pushing a dresser or placing a candle. Sometimes he would walk by in the wings, and in the middle of a scene we’d get an unmistakable glimpse of colorful fashion decadence. I have no idea what happened in the actual show.”

At press time, Haddel was again causing controversy when he was assigned to bring iced tea and lemonade to the cast party, but brought over a dozen horribly behaved hamsters, insisting he heard them say to bring “live hamsters” and “more live hamsters. You’re gonna look great, Derek.”

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