Bruce Springsteen Announces Broadway Return in Final Push to Vaccinate America's Parents
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Bruce Springsteen has announced an encore run of his hit Broadway show Springsteen on Broadway - a move which is expected to finally get all of America's parents full vaccinated in order to attend, sources confirmed.
"If this doesn't do it, nothing will," noted Springsteen, who is "fully prepared" to bring his saxophone player, Jake Clemons, out as a special guest if circumstances call for it. "If you want in the door, you gotta get vaccinated. And these people want in the door. Oh, trust me - these people want in the god damn door," he added before receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.
At press time, vaccine appointments nationwide have skyrocketed, with many recipients renaming the shot from the "Fauci Ouchie" to the "Boss Sauce". Springsteen noted that, if necessary, he will also an encore "booster performance" approximately every six months.