by Violet Jones. @violet_leigh.
NEW YORK, NY - Jane Rodgers, a local Starbucks barista, was left confused and upset after what began as a typical customer interaction and ended as what she claimed was a “time travel incest manifesto” earlier this week.
“All I did was say hello and ask for his coffee order. What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life,” said Rodgers while wrapped in a thermal blanket and rocking back and forth on the curb. “I’ve never even seen the movie Back to the Future so I had no way of knowing that Marty’s mom wants to bang him while he’s in the past. After he sang through all ten minutes of the Broadway number, complete with choreography, I now know all too well.”
Jackson O’Keefe, a patron behind the writer in line, was equally shocked and confused following the harrowing incident.
“I think as a society, we don’t really talk enough about how aggressive the mom is about wanting to have sex with Marty in the movie. She also seemingly doesn’t remember trying to seduce someone who looks exactly like her teenage son in the future? I think I would remember that,” O’Keefe noted before pausing to compose himself, holding back visibly strong emotions.
"After the show opens, everyone will be talking about it. It’s weighed down a little by the dance break, but overall really nails how horny the mom is. It was like a reverse 'Stacy’s Mom'. Upsetting is an understatement.”
When asked for comment, the writer, who asked to remain anonymous, tried to clarify his intentions.
“I thought she said ‘hello, may I hear the new sex song you wrote?’ So from where I stand, this is a complete misunderstanding.”
When pressed about the fact that what she said and what he heard sounded nothing alike, he added, “all great artists are misunderstood in their lifetime. I’m no different than Van Gogh trying to sell paintings on the side of the road. 'Marty's Mom’s Sex Song', working title, is my Starry Night. You’ll all see.”