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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

How Sweet! Social Outcast Finally Embraced by Being Asked to Leave

by Emily Drossell. @emily_drossell.

LONDON - After a long time on the outs, local glamour cat Grizabella has finally been welcomed back in by family and friends. The loving reunion was marked by the greatest gesture the closed community could offer: being told to never return again.


“I thought it was awful seeing everyone turn their back on her,” said the young Sillabub repeatedly scrawling the phrase “I will not have vibrato, I will not have vibrato” on a discarded label. “The least I could do was offer my paw in friendship. And now I never have to again!”


Others remarked on the happy occasion while the view of their estranged loved one ascending grew fainter.


“I felt terrible every time I saw her,” said the scarlet Bombalurina, gyrating celebratorily. “I mean, it took a few times to recognize her because she used to be so beautiful and now…well now we don’t like her – I mean didn’t! And it definitely wasn’t because she’s old and lost her looks. Just hard not to point that kind of thing out, you know? Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I’m so glad she’s gone…onto her next Jellicle life."


Stanley Oliver, landlord of the cats’ abode, even came out to witness the sweet reconnection.


“Do you know what it’s like to look out your window and see cats doing sleight of hand?” Oliver asked while installing an electric fence around the junkyard. “It’s been hours of nonstop writhing, shrieking, and…well…let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t a few more kittens next time I come out here. All to say, whatever made the commotion stop, I’m grateful.”


As for the cat of the hour, Grizabella felt nothing but love.


“All this time, I just wanted to be back. And for them to welcome me in with open arms and a unanimous vote to leave, I mean, what more could an outcast want?”


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