Casting Director Takes Scrooge McDuck-Style Dive Into Sea of Useless Self-Tapes
by Jack Maloney. @jackkmaloney.
NEW YORK, NY - Local casting director Gina Curry admits she’s been finding creative uses for self-tapes during the shutdown, especially since she can ignore them for seven more months - her favorite of which is taking a big Scrooge McDuck style dive into the physical copies, the esteemed CD confirmed.
“Hundreds of 16-bar cuts of ‘Moving Too Fast’ still seem to sneak into my inbox,” said Gina, receiving five email notifications that instant. “I was getting so many that I had to start downloading them onto CDs and finding other uses for them,” she revealed as she served us light Hors d'Oeuvres on a CD labeled “On My Own #538” and threw her dog a cut of “Gimme, Gimme” as a frisbee.
Gina then brought us to a room labeled “Vault of Broadway Dreams,” where she had rigged a small diving board, adequate for performing the cartoonish dives into a room filled with her growing sea of useless self-tapes. Fellow Casting Director Sonya Boyd happened to be there practicing her diving.
“Anytime I need a pick-me-up, I just come here, confirm the $0 balance in my bank account, and let it rip,” Boyd said, pausing to demonstrate a perfect swan dive, literally crushing the CD-ridden dreams of hundreds of Broadway hopefuls in the process. “I never thought taking my anger out on the unwatched talent of hundreds of kids who got their BFA at CCM would be so therapeutic! Go Bearcats!” she exclaimed while snapping a few CD’s in half with her bare hands and foaming at the mouth. Gina’s ex-roommate and Broadway actor Rachel Lindsey was less thrilled about these “renovations.”
“When she asked to put ‘a couple things’ in my room, I never expected to be effectively evicted by my own fruitless CD-ridden dreams. Thank God the industry that employs me and thousands of other actors hasn’t been reduced to a single nominee for Best Male Lead in a Musical...oh wait,” said Lindsey starting a dumpster fire with Gina’s headshot and a Broadway League brochure.
At press time, Gina told us she and Sonya are forming a “Casting Director only” synchronized swimming group in her vault. They asked us to remind readers that the group is BYOCD.