by Edward Precht. @pertoltprecht.
This Sunday marks the annual Broadway Flea Market - a yearly merch extravaganza where theaters and shows sell rare and niche memorabilia to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, and this year is expected to have some of the rarest yet.
Below are just some of this year’s exciting items, including this year's biggest get: David Hyde Pierce's leftover Chipotle bowl. Get em while they're still kind of hot!
The Arm Cast From a Dear Evan Hansen Stagehand
Over the last few years, the Dear Evan Hansen booth has sold the arm casts used by the titular Evan throughout much of the show. As a cheaper option, the booth will sell the cast from one of the show’s stagehands, Kevin Schwartz, who broke his arm earlier this year after trying to open a particularly-tight pickle jar.
The King Kong Puppet’s Severed Head
Outside the Broadway Theater rots the severed head of the King Kong puppet. They had to get rid of it somehow. This time, ‘twas poor box office sales that killed the beast.
David Hyde Pierce’s Leftover Chipotle
Television and stage actor David Hyde Pierce has his own booth this year, where he’ll be selling one very odd, very niche item: about ⅓ of his Chipotle burrito bowl from yesterday. We’re not sure anyone would want the cold mush of pork, brown rice, black beans, corn and mild salsa, but weirder things have happened. Please note that he ate all the guac off of it.
Will Roland’s Glasses
Not a prop! These are his real glasses! How’s that fucker going to see without them? We don’t know, but you’ve got ‘em! These can be found on the ground in front of the Be More Chill booth, near Will Roland screaming “Help! Everything’s so blurry!”
The Ghost of Elaine Stritch
Inside an opened pack of cigarettes at the No, No, Nanette booth lies the ghost of late stage beauty Elaine Stritch. All you have to do is smoke one and you’ll be haunted in style! Prepare to hear that throaty cackle from deep within the walls of your house! There’ll be a faint whiff of liquor wherever you go! She’ll heckle your dates! And every time you look in a mirror, you’ll see her watching you, smirking, eyebrow slightly cocked in silent, froggy judgement! What a hoot!
David Hyde Pierce’s Leftover Chipotle (Update)
Please note that it looks like David’s a bit hungry and has been picking at the bowl while he waits for it to sell. There may not be much left by Sunday, so I’d hurry down there first thing if you’re interested in purchasing the Tony winner’s old Mexican chow.
The Wolf from The Crucible
Scrounging around Ivo van Hove’s booth is the wolf from the recent production of The Crucible. This bad boy can hold a lot of dog treats. And at the low, low price of $15, it’s a steal - it was only used for about thirty seconds a day.
Search under a pile of dusty Playbills at the Hello, Dolly! booth for a tuft of weathered cardigan and you might find prolific stage and screen star Victor Garber. He may seem timid at first, but if you take him home, give him a nice bath, and rub his belly, he’ll be eating out of your hands in no time - which is, coincidentally, the only way he eats. Good with kids.
A First Draft of Your Friend’s Unproduced Script
Whoa, how did that get in your bag? Was it there all along? Haha that’s crazy, right? Well, since it’s there, you might as well read it. And, um, if you, you know, if you’ve got any notes, that’d be much appreciated. The whole thing is a metaphor about the, well, you’ll, you’ll get it, just, uh, just give it a read.
David Hyde Pierce’s Leftover Chipotle (Final Update)
He finished the bowl and is now sleeping in his booth while they try to set up the rest of the market. I think he’s dreaming about Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike cause he keeps saying their names, but he also throws in the world “tortilla” every now and then. Sorry, maybe you can buy his leftovers next year.