Report: Theatre Graduate with Office Job Using Way Too Much Vibrato at After-Work Karaoke
by Andrew Gillespie. @andrewg5000.
FAIR HAVEN, NJ - Local accounting assistant and Marymount Manhattan musical theatre BFA Clara Barrett was witnessed last evening at their company’s weekly karaoke night using far more vibrato than called for, sources confirmed.
“Everyone was begging me to sing something,” claimed Barrett, who allegedly bowed profusely after her performance of “I Dreamed a Dream” was met with tepid applause and general indifference by the Moonlit Dragon Saloon crowd. “I really didn’t want to, but everyone said ‘no you have to sing’, so I did one that everybody loves and can sing along to. I can’t help it if my voice does certain enthralling things as a result of my rigorous vocal training, and it’s not my fault if other people can’t,” she added.
Gina Barton, one of Barrett’s work associates, had a different view on the performance.
“She does this every time we go out,” noted Barton. “We always try to distract her with cute guys or pinball, but somehow she always gets on that stage and sings some slow, boring show tune. Like, we get it, you can sing. At least this time she didn’t pair it with a monologue.”
Angela Ruiz, Barrett’s best friend and fellow musical theatre graduate, noted this as a trait every musical theatre actor goes through and must discipline themselves to unlearn.
“There comes a time in every musical theatre graduate’s life when they go to karaoke with their work friends and have to make a choice,” noted Ruiz. “Do they show off how amazing and enrapturing their voice is and make everyone really uncomfortable, or do they pretend to be a little worse? I always make my voice a little flatter and use a straighter tone to make everyone else feel better about themselves. Clara hasn’t learned that kind of pure, inspiring selflessness yet,” she added.
At press time, Barrett was seen in the bar bathroom doing vocal warm-ups and a hot tea rinse for her next song - “Love on Top” by Beyonce, which she has described as “easier to sing and not at all intimidating” before noting that she plans to add extra key changes.