by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - The Theater District's beloved Drama Book Shop - which shuttered its doors earlier this year - is set to reopen in 2020 under the new ownership of Lin-Manuel Miranda and several other members the theatre community, in the form of a “fresh, sexy and dangerous” new revival that will feature snakes, skeletons that just wanna promote sex education, fire and other “edgy” developments, sources have confirmed.
“Shows get revived in audacious fashion all the time,” noted Miranda while testing an assortment of steel trap doors. “We wanted our revival to be just as eye-opening, just as daring as the new sexy Oklahoma! - but with a lot more actual sex and also birds of prey flying freely around the store,” he added.
The new shop will open up on West 39th street, only a block away from the previous digs. A crack team of architects assigned to design the new location appeared up for the challenge.
“I’ve never had to work with quick sand before,” noted esteemed designer Richard Lewis. “I remember asking Lin if he really wanted there to be a scorpion's nest on every shelf, and why each patron has to answer riddles in Latin before using the bathroom, but hey, at least the shop is back - even if everyone does have to sign a waiver before entering,” he added.
Fans were optimistic about the changes.
“I usually don’t love when they mess with a classic,” noted longtime Drama Book Shop patron Eleanor Fells. “However, I think that toilets filled with vape juice and whatever ‘The Wall of Spoons’ is will really make this place an auteur’s book shop. It’s living, it’s breathing, it’s daring - it’s theater! It’s also, probably, a lot of lawsuits,” she added.
At press time, Miranda and co. were seen purchasing several swarms of bees for the “grand opening” (hosted by Venom from Spider-Man), as well as several plays by members of the New Play Exchange, which Miranda noted is “not part of the edgy stuff, I just think it’s so important for people to be exposed to fresh perspectives and artistic voices,” right before eating lots and lots of glass.